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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
- Thread starter vided
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
:roflblack: :clap:
Are you SURE that wasn't really our CuznJohn?? :shocked:
Are you SURE that wasn't really our CuznJohn?? :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
Here's another version...
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| 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad, There was nada happenin', now thats pretty bad. The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine, In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene. With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer, My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer. When out in the yard there arose such a racket, I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket. I saw a large bro' on a '56 Pan Wearin' black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man). He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks, And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks. I couldn't help gawking, the old guy had class. But I had to go in -- I was freezing my ass. Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash, And out of the stove he came dragging his stash. With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot, A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot. He patted her fanny and shook my right hand, Spun on his heel and up the stovepipe he ran. From up on the roof came a great deal of thunder, As that massive V-twin ripped the silence asunder. With beard in the wind, he roared off in the night, Shouting, "Have a cool Yule, and to all a good ride!" |
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ARtraveler
R.I.P. Dwayne
:2thumbs::2thumbs:
bmccaffrey
New member
Like it :yes:
Bob Denman
New member
:agree:
'Twas the night before Festivus and all through Queens,
Not a Costanza was yelling...as strange as it seems.
The family was sleeping, just waiting for light.
Saving their strength for the upcoming fight.
At the crack of dawn on December twenty-three,
Frank put up the pole... instead of a tree.
Estelle prepared the meal that would start the rite,
Not a laugh or a smile was anywhere in sight.
George dreaded this hour that came every year,
The airing of grievances would soon be here.
Frank stood at the table and bellowed out loud,
"So who's got a complaint amongst this crowd?"
"You two are crazy and have wrecked my life!"
Cried George at his parents who mocked him for spite.
"A Lloyd Braun you'll never be " was Estelle's refrain,
"Why should I try,ma?... the guy's insane!"
"Enough with the grievances," Frank said with some glee,
"Now which one of you two is wrestling me?"
"So feats of strength you want? Let them begin here,
"It's your turn to fight him, mom... he beat me last year."
The battle was started, the screaming was lyrical,
The fact no one got hurt was ....
...Another FESTIVUS miracle!!!
'Twas the night before Festivus and all through Queens,
Not a Costanza was yelling...as strange as it seems.
The family was sleeping, just waiting for light.
Saving their strength for the upcoming fight.
At the crack of dawn on December twenty-three,
Frank put up the pole... instead of a tree.
Estelle prepared the meal that would start the rite,
Not a laugh or a smile was anywhere in sight.
George dreaded this hour that came every year,
The airing of grievances would soon be here.
Frank stood at the table and bellowed out loud,
"So who's got a complaint amongst this crowd?"
"You two are crazy and have wrecked my life!"
Cried George at his parents who mocked him for spite.
"A Lloyd Braun you'll never be " was Estelle's refrain,
"Why should I try,ma?... the guy's insane!"
"Enough with the grievances," Frank said with some glee,
"Now which one of you two is wrestling me?"
"So feats of strength you want? Let them begin here,
"It's your turn to fight him, mom... he beat me last year."
The battle was started, the screaming was lyrical,
The fact no one got hurt was ....
...Another FESTIVUS miracle!!!
Bob Denman
New member
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[TD="width: 100%, bgcolor: #ffffff"]Politically Correct Santa
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
[/TD]
mowin
New member
spydaman60
New member
good post vided! that sal is a hoot. saw him in person 25 years ago and couldn't stop laughing! :thumbup::thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
mowin
New member
Would never have guessed. :roflblack::roflblack:I have more of them...
Bob Denman
New member
A Lawyer's Version Of The Poem...
(Legal Version)
Author Unknown
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited
to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in
said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
"I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder
and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been
involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of
the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
(Legal Version)
Author Unknown
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited
to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in
said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
"I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder
and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been
involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of
the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Bob Denman
New member
Behold, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas ... the Facebook edition:
'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
Every parent was posting, and clicking their mouse
The Instagram filters were chosen with care,
In hopes that each image would soon get a share.
Each status included a funny thing their kid said
So much to be documented, so much to be read!
And Junior on his potty, and Missy mid-nap
Everyone geo-tagged and placed on a map
When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter
Away from my monitor I began to explore
Blinked in the non-LCD light, and opened the door
The moon was so pretty -- like a promoted post!
And I suddenly saw it: a surprise Christmas ghost
Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
When a little old driver climbed down the apparatus
I immediately wanted to update my status
But more rapid than eagles his phrases they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me and Share!
On, Political Rant! On, Pet Photo! On, Awkward Public Prayer!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
And then I realized my posting was belated
Why, I'd describe Santa's visit like this: "It was Complicated!"
As I reached for my phone and clicked the mobile app
Suddenly on my shoulder there came a gentle tap
He looked a bit weary, that Santa, all told
And he told me my updates were getting quite old
The Someecards, the gym check-ins, the stuff from George Takei
(On that last one he actually rolled a twinkly eye)
"Your cat photos -- so annoying! Your kid pictures -- so corny!
You're cluttering my news feed with statuses that bore me!"
His droll little mouth was drawn up to let fly
And he was totally giving me the Santa Stink Eye
He spoke not a word more, but went straight to my browser,
And perused my Timeline as he hitched up his trousers
And rubbing his head with a murmur of "How banal,"
And giving a nod, he deleted my Wall!
Then he sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, "You've been a fine hostess,
Happy Facebook to all, and I bet 99% of you won't repost this!"
'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
Every parent was posting, and clicking their mouse
The Instagram filters were chosen with care,
In hopes that each image would soon get a share.
Each status included a funny thing their kid said
So much to be documented, so much to be read!
And Junior on his potty, and Missy mid-nap
Everyone geo-tagged and placed on a map
When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter
Away from my monitor I began to explore
Blinked in the non-LCD light, and opened the door
The moon was so pretty -- like a promoted post!
And I suddenly saw it: a surprise Christmas ghost
Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
When a little old driver climbed down the apparatus
I immediately wanted to update my status
But more rapid than eagles his phrases they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me and Share!
On, Political Rant! On, Pet Photo! On, Awkward Public Prayer!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
And then I realized my posting was belated
Why, I'd describe Santa's visit like this: "It was Complicated!"
As I reached for my phone and clicked the mobile app
Suddenly on my shoulder there came a gentle tap
He looked a bit weary, that Santa, all told
And he told me my updates were getting quite old
The Someecards, the gym check-ins, the stuff from George Takei
(On that last one he actually rolled a twinkly eye)
"Your cat photos -- so annoying! Your kid pictures -- so corny!
You're cluttering my news feed with statuses that bore me!"
His droll little mouth was drawn up to let fly
And he was totally giving me the Santa Stink Eye
He spoke not a word more, but went straight to my browser,
And perused my Timeline as he hitched up his trousers
And rubbing his head with a murmur of "How banal,"
And giving a nod, he deleted my Wall!
Then he sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, "You've been a fine hostess,
Happy Facebook to all, and I bet 99% of you won't repost this!"
Bob Denman
New member
'Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you.
Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.
And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.
"Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."
The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.
As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and moustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.
And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"
"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?"
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.
Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl,
"To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all"
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you.
Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.
And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.
"Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."
The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.
As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and moustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.
And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"
"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?"
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.
Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl,
"To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all"
Bob Denman
New member
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the streets,
Not a person was stirring, 'cept an officer on the beat.
As he quietly patrolled the town with great care,
children and parents slept peacefully there.
The officer was clad in his blues and his vest,
gun on his hip, always looking his best.
He'd just pulled aside for a quick bite to eat,
When all of a sudden, out on the street,
A bright light appeared from out of nowhere,
He shielded his eyes from the brilliant glare.
'Twas an angel of the Lord at the squad's rear,
He smiled and spoke, "Dear Officer, don't fear."
"I've been sent by God with a message for you
who faithfully serve while wearing the blue.
He wants you to know He loves you all,
He's pleased with the way you've answered His call.
"To protect and serve others, so selfless you've been,
Your bravery and kindness have known no end.
Even in tragedy, when nights became long,
You've helped countless strangers by being strong.
"God sees your heart, the joy and the pain,
He knows the profession can often bring strain.
So he sent me here to let you know,
That as you patrol, He goes where you go.
"As you protect others, your Father protects you,
His angels go with you, His Spirit does, too.
No bullet too fast, no bad guy too strong,
I'm sent to make sure that your life will be long.
"So fear not the night, and fear not the day,
fear not the threats that might come your way.
I'm sent to accompany you on your beat,
There's not one moment you're alone on the street."
The officer sat stunned by the love of His God,
He bowed his head, with a tear gave a nod.
As the officer said thank you, the angel took flight,
"God's got your back, carry on, and good night."
Not a person was stirring, 'cept an officer on the beat.
As he quietly patrolled the town with great care,
children and parents slept peacefully there.
The officer was clad in his blues and his vest,
gun on his hip, always looking his best.
He'd just pulled aside for a quick bite to eat,
When all of a sudden, out on the street,
A bright light appeared from out of nowhere,
He shielded his eyes from the brilliant glare.
'Twas an angel of the Lord at the squad's rear,
He smiled and spoke, "Dear Officer, don't fear."
"I've been sent by God with a message for you
who faithfully serve while wearing the blue.
He wants you to know He loves you all,
He's pleased with the way you've answered His call.
"To protect and serve others, so selfless you've been,
Your bravery and kindness have known no end.
Even in tragedy, when nights became long,
You've helped countless strangers by being strong.
"God sees your heart, the joy and the pain,
He knows the profession can often bring strain.
So he sent me here to let you know,
That as you patrol, He goes where you go.
"As you protect others, your Father protects you,
His angels go with you, His Spirit does, too.
No bullet too fast, no bad guy too strong,
I'm sent to make sure that your life will be long.
"So fear not the night, and fear not the day,
fear not the threats that might come your way.
I'm sent to accompany you on your beat,
There's not one moment you're alone on the street."
The officer sat stunned by the love of His God,
He bowed his head, with a tear gave a nod.
As the officer said thank you, the angel took flight,
"God's got your back, carry on, and good night."
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to All!
Bestwishes for a blessed Christmas, hoping that 2016 will offer up peace andharmony on our beautiful planet,
God blessand Peace! May we all enjoy and happy and safe riding 2016. :clap:
http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/p...el/&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3173936/graphic1
Bestwishes for a blessed Christmas, hoping that 2016 will offer up peace andharmony on our beautiful planet,
God blessand Peace! May we all enjoy and happy and safe riding 2016. :clap:
http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/p...el/&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3173936/graphic1
