pickelhead
New member
I used to drive an 18 wheeler for a living. My dispatcher would some times give me loads to pick up or deliver that had no directions. He would usually give them to me at 6:00pm on a Friday night for a 6:00am delivery Monday Morning. The pick up/delivery point would also be more than 1000 miles from my current location.
Due to these time constraints, I would have to ask directions. Nine times out of ten, you find someone who is directionally challenged. Over the years I have received some of the most screwed up, backward and assinine directions that you could imagine.
For example, one time in Atlanta, GA I asked an elderly gentleman how to get to a certain location. He said sure he knew how to get there, he went by it every day on his way home. He said I should go to the 3rd red light and turn left, and that it would one block down and be on my left. So I proceeded on down to the 3rdc stoplight and it is a one way road "TO THE RIGHT". So getting back to point A, I again find the elderly gentleman and told him of my dilemma. He said that when he went home he always caught 2 green lights and 2 red lights, so it was the 3rd red light
One time I was on my way to Pikeville KY. So carefully reading all the road signs and dodging kamikaze coal trucks, I ended up in Prestinburg, KY. Now according to my handy Rand McNally map, I had passed through Pikeville 20 miles back. So I head into a little country store (you know the type, where if you're a stranger, they look at you like you were from outer space). I asked them how to get to Pikeville because I must have missed it. They looked me straight in the eye and said they had never heard of it! So I go back to my truck, and this time with my trusted Rand McNally, went back in and pointing to it on the map, again asked where was PIKEVILLE. They looked at the map and said "Oh, you mean PikeVULLE, it's back down the road about 20 miles, kids must have stole the sign again". Silly me, here I thought that "ville" was pronounced with an "I" sound when it was actually pronounced with a "V" sound.
Different parts of the country use different terms for directional purposes. If you go to WI they are "stop and go lights". In MN they have arc lights, you know those lights that arc out over the road that most people refer to as "STREET LIGHTS". In NYC "just down the the street always" is between less than 1 block to a few blocks. In TX it could mean up to 100 miles.
On e time in PA I asked another drive if he had ever been to suck and suck place. He said he had delivered there once a while back and couldn't remember the exact directions but he di remember that it wasn't very far from the exit. So I called the company and got the receptionist. She said she could give me directions as she had worked there for over 30 years. She proceeded to give me directions that as I wrote them down and they ran to 12 pages in my notebook. They seemed very accurate, things like turn left at 12th street, they is a Mobile station on the corner, go 6 blocks and turn right on Park, there's a Safeway on that corner, etc, etc. I headed toward this town in PA and when I was about 2 miles away, I pulled into a rest area and called again. This time I got the dock foreman. When I asked him for directions, he said get off at exit 113. At the top of the exit ramp, turn right and the company would be on my left in less than a mile. I told him I had called earlier and talked withe the "Mable" who had worked there for "over 30 years" and the directions she had given me were totally different. He laughed and said yes, that "Mable" had worked there for over 30 years, but that she didn't drive "SHE RODE THE BUS TO WORK"!
The worst directions I ever got were in MS. I was delivering a load of doors to a County HS that was being renovated. I called the job foreman and he would meet me at the combination coffee shop/gas station/feed store and Post Office on Monday morning and escort me to the job or he would just meet me at the site. I arrived at the combination coffee shop/gas station/feed store and Post Office Saturday about noon, and with nothing else to do, decided to check out the job site. I went into the coffee shop and asked if anybody could give directions to the County HS. One local farmer answered sure he could, It was "real easy" (really means it was a bear to get to). He said I should go down the road a piece until I got to where the Baptist church burnt down a few years ago. Turn left there. Go down that road a ways until you you come to Bill Smith's farm, you'll know it's Bill Smith's farm because he has a blind dog that suns himself in the yard. Keep heading down the til you come to the lightning struck oak tree on the right. Now that turn will be real tight for your big truck out there, but I believe you can make it. If you follow that road it will dead end into a big ol pasture. Well you don't want that road, you need to stay on the main rd. Keep going until you see a herd of cows on the left. Turn left there and the HS will be exactly 1 mile ahead. Well armed with my instructions, I felt like Columbus as I headed out. The 4th person I stopped showed me where the Baptist church burnt down "7 years ago", there was a big sign that said County HY 5. So, I went down CTY HY 5 until came to a mail box that said "SMITH", there was a German Shepard asleep in the yard. I didn't give the Shepard an eye test, just figured it was him. Continued on down until I came to the "lightning struck oak tree", didn't turn there but continued on down the road I was on. The next sign I see says "Welcome to Alabama". I turn around go back to the coffee shop and try again with the same results, no cows. I give up!
Monday morning I'm have coffee in "the coffee shop waiting on the job site foreman when in walks the same farmer who gave directions. He walks up to me and asked me if I found the high school alright. I told him no, tried twice, no cigar. He looked at me like I was an imbecile and asked if I had followed his simple directions. I told him I had gone to where the Baptist church had burnt down 7 years ago which was CTY HY 5 (he said that it had only been CTY HY 5 for the last 4 years and he didn't want to confuse me). I told him I went by Bill Smith's farm with the German Shepard in the front yard, didn't turn down the road by the lightning struck oak tree, and kept going til I got to Alabama. I never saw any "cows". He scratched his head and asked me when I'd looked for the high school. I told him it was about 6:00 pm. He looked me square in the eye and said, "WELL HELL SON, WE PUT THE COWS UP AT 5:00 PM!"
AND THAT'S WHY MEN DON'T STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!
Due to these time constraints, I would have to ask directions. Nine times out of ten, you find someone who is directionally challenged. Over the years I have received some of the most screwed up, backward and assinine directions that you could imagine.
For example, one time in Atlanta, GA I asked an elderly gentleman how to get to a certain location. He said sure he knew how to get there, he went by it every day on his way home. He said I should go to the 3rd red light and turn left, and that it would one block down and be on my left. So I proceeded on down to the 3rdc stoplight and it is a one way road "TO THE RIGHT". So getting back to point A, I again find the elderly gentleman and told him of my dilemma. He said that when he went home he always caught 2 green lights and 2 red lights, so it was the 3rd red light
One time I was on my way to Pikeville KY. So carefully reading all the road signs and dodging kamikaze coal trucks, I ended up in Prestinburg, KY. Now according to my handy Rand McNally map, I had passed through Pikeville 20 miles back. So I head into a little country store (you know the type, where if you're a stranger, they look at you like you were from outer space). I asked them how to get to Pikeville because I must have missed it. They looked me straight in the eye and said they had never heard of it! So I go back to my truck, and this time with my trusted Rand McNally, went back in and pointing to it on the map, again asked where was PIKEVILLE. They looked at the map and said "Oh, you mean PikeVULLE, it's back down the road about 20 miles, kids must have stole the sign again". Silly me, here I thought that "ville" was pronounced with an "I" sound when it was actually pronounced with a "V" sound.
Different parts of the country use different terms for directional purposes. If you go to WI they are "stop and go lights". In MN they have arc lights, you know those lights that arc out over the road that most people refer to as "STREET LIGHTS". In NYC "just down the the street always" is between less than 1 block to a few blocks. In TX it could mean up to 100 miles.
On e time in PA I asked another drive if he had ever been to suck and suck place. He said he had delivered there once a while back and couldn't remember the exact directions but he di remember that it wasn't very far from the exit. So I called the company and got the receptionist. She said she could give me directions as she had worked there for over 30 years. She proceeded to give me directions that as I wrote them down and they ran to 12 pages in my notebook. They seemed very accurate, things like turn left at 12th street, they is a Mobile station on the corner, go 6 blocks and turn right on Park, there's a Safeway on that corner, etc, etc. I headed toward this town in PA and when I was about 2 miles away, I pulled into a rest area and called again. This time I got the dock foreman. When I asked him for directions, he said get off at exit 113. At the top of the exit ramp, turn right and the company would be on my left in less than a mile. I told him I had called earlier and talked withe the "Mable" who had worked there for "over 30 years" and the directions she had given me were totally different. He laughed and said yes, that "Mable" had worked there for over 30 years, but that she didn't drive "SHE RODE THE BUS TO WORK"!
The worst directions I ever got were in MS. I was delivering a load of doors to a County HS that was being renovated. I called the job foreman and he would meet me at the combination coffee shop/gas station/feed store and Post Office on Monday morning and escort me to the job or he would just meet me at the site. I arrived at the combination coffee shop/gas station/feed store and Post Office Saturday about noon, and with nothing else to do, decided to check out the job site. I went into the coffee shop and asked if anybody could give directions to the County HS. One local farmer answered sure he could, It was "real easy" (really means it was a bear to get to). He said I should go down the road a piece until I got to where the Baptist church burnt down a few years ago. Turn left there. Go down that road a ways until you you come to Bill Smith's farm, you'll know it's Bill Smith's farm because he has a blind dog that suns himself in the yard. Keep heading down the til you come to the lightning struck oak tree on the right. Now that turn will be real tight for your big truck out there, but I believe you can make it. If you follow that road it will dead end into a big ol pasture. Well you don't want that road, you need to stay on the main rd. Keep going until you see a herd of cows on the left. Turn left there and the HS will be exactly 1 mile ahead. Well armed with my instructions, I felt like Columbus as I headed out. The 4th person I stopped showed me where the Baptist church burnt down "7 years ago", there was a big sign that said County HY 5. So, I went down CTY HY 5 until came to a mail box that said "SMITH", there was a German Shepard asleep in the yard. I didn't give the Shepard an eye test, just figured it was him. Continued on down until I came to the "lightning struck oak tree", didn't turn there but continued on down the road I was on. The next sign I see says "Welcome to Alabama". I turn around go back to the coffee shop and try again with the same results, no cows. I give up!
Monday morning I'm have coffee in "the coffee shop waiting on the job site foreman when in walks the same farmer who gave directions. He walks up to me and asked me if I found the high school alright. I told him no, tried twice, no cigar. He looked at me like I was an imbecile and asked if I had followed his simple directions. I told him I had gone to where the Baptist church had burnt down 7 years ago which was CTY HY 5 (he said that it had only been CTY HY 5 for the last 4 years and he didn't want to confuse me). I told him I went by Bill Smith's farm with the German Shepard in the front yard, didn't turn down the road by the lightning struck oak tree, and kept going til I got to Alabama. I never saw any "cows". He scratched his head and asked me when I'd looked for the high school. I told him it was about 6:00 pm. He looked me square in the eye and said, "WELL HELL SON, WE PUT THE COWS UP AT 5:00 PM!"
AND THAT'S WHY MEN DON'T STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!
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