Southern cops have a way with words!

[PCBeachBum]

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[eagleeye299]

Sounds like some good words of wisdom.

[Saluda]

Those are great. Thankfully I've never heard any of them first hand.

[PrairieSpyder]

I know for a fact that sometimes pretty women don't get tickets! But sometimes they do!

[Lew L]

Time to clean the coffee off my keyboard-----again.

Kaos

[jaherbst]

I personally like #10. ​Did you say all those things Joe? How about you Mike? I'll bet you guys have heard it all.

Jack

[Chupaca]

I know for a fact that sometimes pretty women don't get tickets! But sometimes they do!

And you know this ...Why..??

[Grandpot]

This is what I actually said to a guy at a traffic stop after he told me he knew the Mayor, "So, YOU know the Mayor? Well, he's been having sex with my sister. They have been married over 30 years." He just mailed in the fine, never came to court.

[Cruzr Joe]

I personally like #10. ​Did you say all those things Joe? How about you Mike? I'll bet you guys have heard it all.

Jack

Had not used all of them but some of them sound familiar.

Cruzr Joe

[Bob Denman]

But Joe...
If you had stopped Patti for speeding; I'll bet that you would have let her go!

[oldguyinTX]

A couple of years ago, my wife was pulled over for speeding in on of our nearby towns. The officer who stopped her was a young rookie, and was riding with an older Sargent supervisor. after taking her info, he walked back to the cruiser, which was parked right behind her car. After a couple of minutes, she heard the rookie say to the Sargent, "But sir, it would be like giving a ticket to my mom". She could hear the Sargent laughing, the rookie came back and gave her a verbal warning. I thought it was pretty funny, but when she gave me the stink eye, I clammed up. I know my place in the pecking order.

[Cruzr Joe]

But Joe...
If you had stopped Patti for speeding; I'll bet that you would have let her go!

I would have to be able to catch her first.

Cruzr Joe

[ARtraveler]

Great stuff. And who said that LEO's don't have a great sense of humor while speaking wisdom.

[SPECTACUALR SPIDERMAN]

the best line i ever used was when i made a right on red that i wasn't allowed, cop pulled me over & i told him
i was heading home had to take a poop. i was 2 min. away, so i told him if he is going to write me a ticket i am
going in the bushes 20 feet from where we pulled over. he looked at my license i suppose to see the address then
let me go.
p.s. YES i made it home in time.

[Cruzr Joe]

Quick story.

Speed limit 25, little old lady that lived in town and was well known for bringing cookies etc to us at the police station, and always driving proper, one day she is running about 50 MPH, i figured something was wrong, i blue lighted her and pulled her over, walked up to her and said Miss ****** is everything alright, she responded yes dear but i am late for a beauty appointment, see you later, and she put the car in gear and proceeded to speed away. I made sure no one was watching me and i turned off the lights and went in the opposite direction.


Cruzr Joe