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  1. #326
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    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  2. #327
    GOS member (Girls On Spyders)
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    A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

    There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

    He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
    The priest replies, "Get out you idiot. You're on my side!"

  3. #328
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    Is it too late to get a gig like that??
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  4. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by PCBeachBum View Post
    I hope this works.

    http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

  5. #330
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    So THAT'S what they're supposed to be used for...
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  6. #331
    Very Active Member NautiBrit's Avatar
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    Default The Sensitive Man

    A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.

    She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.


    There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

    There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears and is quite impressed by his


    sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking;


    'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future

    father of my children?'

    She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.


    After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently

    strokes his chest and asks coyly,


    'Well,how was it?'


    The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says....

    "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"














    George

    2017 BMW R1200R

  7. #332
    Very Active Member jvicker's Avatar
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    Default Old or new?

    Saw this on Facebook. Made me laugh.

    "I don't have a bucket list, but my f--- it list is a mile long"

    Very Happy '08 Spyder RS Owner

  8. #333
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    Gee.. I think that most of us have a list like that... But it takes more guts than I have to bring it up!
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  9. #334
    Very Active Member PCBeachBum's Avatar
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    Default All Girl Biker Bar

    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
    He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?

    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

    'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

    3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'





    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
    Happy Spyder Owner


    2008 SM5, Trunk Liner, 2" Block Riser, ESI 3" Risers, Evoluzione Cycle o2 Sensor Mod, Corbin Seat and Large Oval Backrest, Madstad RoboBrackets and 24" Clear Windshield, Chrome Clear Catseye LED Tail/Brake/License Plate Light, Brake Strobe, Kuryakyn Grips, Kewlmetals Performance Air kit, Custom Dynamic Orange LED's, Spyder 1 Attitude Performance Exhaust RSS-18-B, Day Runners, Day Pucks, Rivco Highway Pegs, ESI Mirror Extensions, Rivco Floorboards.

  10. #335
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    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  11. #336
    Very Active Member granpa in Cincy's Avatar
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    While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady started taking off her clothes..... Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue."

  12. #337
    Very Active Member SDM's Avatar
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    Post

    A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

    The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were
    in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed
    in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You ...have $9000 in insurance compensation
    coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married
    for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now
    she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed.
    It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

    "Yes I have," says the man.

    "And has she helped you make a decision?"

    "Yes" says the man.

    "What is your decision?" asks the doctor

    "We're getting granite counter tops."
    2014 RT Limited SE-6 in Black Currant. Mods so far: Rivco Trunk Mounted Double Flag Holder Kit, Diamond R Drivers Tour Mug, Tric Led Drink Holder, BRP Hitch, Mini Trailer USA Nomad Trailer. RonBar and links, Spyclops I & II, Lighted Bump Skid, LED head and fog lights. Foam hand grips. A arm lights, both upper and lower

  13. #338
    Registered Users hrbeta's Avatar
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    This is laugh-out-loud funny!

    -------------

    Your Duck is Dead--

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
    surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
    pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's
    chest.

    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
    sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
    passed away."

    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the
    vet..

    "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
    you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
    He might just be in a coma or something."

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
    room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
    Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
    in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
    front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
    duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
    vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
    of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
    a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
    sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
    on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
    strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
    but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
    a dead duck."

    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
    bill,
    which he handed to the woman..
    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
    she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the
    bill
    would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now
    $150."


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

  14. #339
    Mod Monster Phil's Avatar
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    Ugh. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, hrbeta will be here all week..... Please try the veal.


    Phil, Tyler TX- from my iPad3.5 using Tapatalk HD
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    Phil - Tyler Texas
    2010 RT-Premiere Edition (Named DARTH) | Timeless Black | All My Mods--- ARE HERE | Phil. 4:4

  15. #340
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    Default I havent read this whole thread, so this may be a repost..

    A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day
    around in a Mexican village.
    While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling,
    scrumptious looking platter being served at the
    next table. Not only did it look good, the smell
    was wonderful.
    He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
    The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste!
    Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles
    from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
    The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order..'
    The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry, senor. There is only
    one serving per day because there is only one
    bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order,
    we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
    The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and
    that evening was served the one and only
    special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter,
    he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious,
    but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.
    Sometimes the bull wins.

  16. #341
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    Nope... that's a new one in here! And a very unpleasant one to think about!
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  17. #342
    Very Active Member mowin's Avatar
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    Very glad i didnt have breakfast yet....But it was funny

  18. #343
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    Something to think about...
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  19. #344
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    Funny shtuff here man, great thread!

  20. #345
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    So pull some jokes out and pitch them in here for us to enjoy!
    (Although we DO have to stay kind of close to the "safer" side of the menu... )
    2010 RT A&C, RT-L, RT-L , Orbital Blue, Cognac, Jet Black

  21. #346
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    An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

    Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

    Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

    Man: 'What sins?'

    Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

    Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

    Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

    Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

  22. #347
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    Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

    Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

    Wife: 'Yes or no.'
    -----------------------------------
    Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

    'It is!'

    'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?'

    'I can!'
    'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

    'I do!'

    'Is he a member of your congregation?'

    'He is!'

    'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

    'He will.'
    --------------------------------------

    A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

    'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

    The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..

    'Who are you?' he asked him..

    'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

    'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..

    'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

    'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

    The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

    'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman.

    'Don't you realize you've had it?'

    'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
    Last edited by draboo; 04-27-2012 at 12:28 PM.

  23. #348
    Active Member ameobe's Avatar
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    Default A piece of string

    A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
    The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely "Sorry
    but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!" The piece
    of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down
    the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help.
    "Please" he says to one of the girls "would you tie a knot in me?"
    This she does. "Please" the piece of string says to the other girl
    "would you mind taking your comb and fluffing out the ends of my string?"
    so the girl obliges. "Thank you" says the string and he turns around,
    goes back into the bar and immediately orders a drink again.
    The barman looks at him quizzically and says
    "Aren't you the piece of string that was in here a moment ago?" "No"
    came the answer "I'm a frayed knot".
    Happy Spyder Owner

  24. #349
    Very Active Member NautiBrit's Avatar
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    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
    George

    2017 BMW R1200R

  25. #350
    Very Active Member SDM's Avatar
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    Post

    2014 RT Limited SE-6 in Black Currant. Mods so far: Rivco Trunk Mounted Double Flag Holder Kit, Diamond R Drivers Tour Mug, Tric Led Drink Holder, BRP Hitch, Mini Trailer USA Nomad Trailer. RonBar and links, Spyclops I & II, Lighted Bump Skid, LED head and fog lights. Foam hand grips. A arm lights, both upper and lower

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