Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Joe T.]

OK, maybe y'all will find this one a little more palatable:



https://www.thepcmanwebsite.com/medi...in_laden.shtml



Enjoy!!!


Joe T.

[Bob Denman]

[cuznjohn]

[Bob Denman]

I'm sending a copy of that Billboard to my Missus...

...And then to ALL of my friends!
Thanks for posting it!

[Bob Denman]

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ..

.."Well, ****, that explains why no one was at church either.

[Bob Denman]

[mowin]

Bob, this is the "joke" forum, his performance was pathetic. ..

Ok,.. I guess it was a joke after all..

[Bob Denman]

[cuznjohn]

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks,
“Well what would you like for your anniversary?”
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies
“Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”

[cuznjohn]

HE IS THE JOKE

BY THE WAY, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR A DOG THAT SLEEPS BY YOUR FEET, AND HAS REALLY BAD GAS

[vided]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NAtwI2poXXg

[Bob Denman]

BY THE WAY, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR A DOG THAT SLEEPS BY YOUR FEET, AND HAS REALLY BAD GAS

I've got a Brother-in-Law who could use a new dog!!

[SpyderConvert]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, “When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

[Bob Denman]

unnamed.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Secret Code.jpg

But let's just keep this as "Our Little Secret"...

[PrairieSpyder]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, “When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

[Blue Star]

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for2016:

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more…

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish We should all have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more…

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Only two more so ease up on the scratching…

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

[Blue Star]

ONE SUNDAY MORNING, THE PASTOR NOTICED LITTLE ALEX STANDING IN THE FOYER OF THE CHURCH STARING UP AT A LARGE PLAQUE.

IT WAS COVERED WITH NAMES WITH SMALL U.S.A. FLAGS MOUNTED ON EITHER SIDE OF IT.

THE SEVEN YEAR OLD HAD BEEN STARING AT THE PLAQUE FOR SOME TIME, SO THE PASTOR WALKED UP, STOOD BESIDE THE LITTLE BOY, AND SAID QUIETLY, GOOD MORNING " ALEX."

"GOOD MORNING PASTOR," HE REPLIED, STILL FOCUSED ON THE PLAQUE. "PASTOR, WHAT IS THIS?" HE ASKED.

THE PASTOR SAID, "WELL, SON, IT'S A MEMORIAL TO ALL THE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO DIED IN THE SERVICE."

SOBERLY, THEY JUST STOOD TOGETHER, STARING AT THE LARGE PLAQUE.

FINALLY, LITTLE ALEX'S VOICE, BARELY AUDIBLE AND TREMBLING WITH FEAR, ASKED, "WHICH SERVICE, THE 9:00 OR THE 11:00?"

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"!

Still funny, even though the same people have gotten the same awards probably every year since 2001!

[PrairieSpyder]

Secret Code.jpg

But let's just keep this as "Our Little Secret"...

I understand it, but can't speak it!

[cuznjohn]

[Bob Denman]

Leave a mark.jpg

[vided]

IMG_2293.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance
exam to go to medical school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.

Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes by email.

[Blue Star]

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance
exam to go to medical school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.

Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes by email.

Excuse me while I send off another email