Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

landscape-1471636077-anthonyweiner.jpg

https://youtu.be/k8oJKa6ybRo

Now it seems as if this wiener, and not Bill's; might be the one to derail a campaign...

You just can't make this stuff up!

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

A couple of buddies are sitting in the bar having a few. One says, "I'm thinking about divorcing my wife. She hasn't spoken to me for 2 months! Nothing, no words at all, nada. It's starting to get on my nerves."

"Don't do it, man! You better think really hard about it. Those kind of women are hard to find!"

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Budweiser. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving over seas some where. When we all left our home in Texas we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

[Bob Denman]

I'll Drink To That.jpg

[cuznjohn]

[Bob Denman]

A "refresher" of one liners for this election year:

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the
Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and
your opponents will do it for you.
~unknown~

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about
us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to
be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on
Congressmen.
~Will Rogers

We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
~Kin Hubbard~

[vided]

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you

finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."

"Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder."

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,

"I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you

showed up in the morning late so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, and smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,

"They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"

[Bob Denman]

Talk about NOT leaving the Boss anywhere to hide!

[vided]

IMG_1927.JPG

[Bob Denman]

Groan....jpg

[cuznjohn]

a man is out hunting bears. way off in the distance, he sees a big black bear. he raises his gun, looks through his scope, and realizes the bear is way too far for a clean shot. with that he lowers his gun, and waves for the bear to move closer. much to his surprise, the bear moves closer and stands on his rear legs.

the hunter looks through his scope, and thinks the bear is still too far. so being it worked the first time, the man gestured for the bear to move closer. once again, the bear got on all fours again and moved closer, then stood up to look at the hunter again. believe it or not, the hunter felt that if the bear was just a little closer, he could have the perfect shot. once again he motioned to the bear to move closer. but the bear had enough. this time when the bear got on all fours, he charged the hunter.

in a panic as the bear got closer, the hunter raised his gun, but by the time he spotted the bear in the scope, the bear was on him. as the bear stood on his rear legs, he had the hunter in a REAL BEAR HUG. the hunters life flash before his eyes, he figured he was going to die, as the bear squeezed him, and was growling like the hunter never heard before. as the bear has him with his arms beside his side, the hunter feels the bears PRIVATE PARTS right by his right hand. feeling he was going to die, he thought to himself, i am going to squeeze the bears PRIVATE PARTS as hard as i can, what can i lose. and with all his mite, he squeezed. the bear let out a BIG GROAN, and let the man go.

well as soon as he got loose from the bear, the man turned and ran away as fast as he could. as he was running for his life, he turned to look where the bear was. as he looked, he saw the bear, standing on his rear legs again, and the bear was WAVING FOR THE HUNTER TO COME BACK

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

A couple of old guys were talking when John asked Bob, "What are you doing these days?"

"Started last week working as a Walmart greeter!"

"Oh man, I'm sure sorry to hear that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Don't you know, being a Walmart greeter is the last job you have before you die?"

[Bob Denman]

[draboo]

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her. "I am so embarrassed," the woman says. "Please join me for dinner."
They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards she invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast.
The next morning the guy is amazed. "Are you this nice to every biker you meet?" he asks.
"Not usually," she replies. "But you just happened to catch my eye."

[cuznjohn]

One Monday morning the postman is walking through the neighbourhood
on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the
homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with
a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
'Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of
a party last night,' the Postman comments.
David, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night.
This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday
morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbour-
hood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all
got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I.'
The Postman thinks a moment and says,
'How do you play WHO AM I?'
Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time
covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing
through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is..'
The postman laughs and says,
'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'
'Probably a good thing you did,' David responded.
'Your name came up 7 times.'

[vided]

IMG_1842.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Nothing.jpg

[Bob Denman]

CaU81MOWAAEFuK9.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Irony.jpg

[Bob Denman]

I hope that we can all appreciate a little bit of humor at the expense of just one more private citizen...

New Libyan Ambassador.jpg

Remember folks: it's all over now...

[vided]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QwM5KpoPPrg

[Bob Denman]

I killed him???

[Bob Denman]

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff
about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be
dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little
sex before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

She didn't jump...

[rolli]

Hello ,I just joined the group I live on Maui have seen several of these Can am Spyders on Island , One question where do you take on to have work done to it ? The engine light came on bike is on limp mode. codes say its sensors , I called a dealer on the mainland and mechanic said just couse those codes display do's not mean the problem is not eals where ??? I have called all Island not one shop works on these . I do have the service Manuel and B.U.D.S Tool , but if replacing the sensors mite not fix it I hate to start playing the guessing game . Anyone know someone that works on these on Maui ? If so I would Very much appreciate some help. Thanks

[Bob Denman]

rolli,
This is definitely the wrong place for your post; take it to "General Discussion", where it'll catch more eyeballs...
Good luck!