Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

This was an actual advertisement for a restaurant way back in the day...

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I'm not saying anything else!

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[Bob Denman]

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[SpyderConvert]

[SpyderConvert]

A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

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[Bob Denman]

And that pooch is all set for the barn dance!

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[SpyderConvert]

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more
wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Dave?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[SpyderConvert]

[Black Pig]

Priceless!!

[Bob Denman]

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[Bob Denman]

It's gonna be tough to shake that mental picture!

[Bob Denman]

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[Bob Denman]

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[Bob Denman]

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[Bob Denman]

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[Bob Denman]

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[SpyderConvert]

Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually.”

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . .That would be too much of a
coincidence."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - personally, I prefer golf."

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."