Funny airline maintenance email

[bjt]

I'm sure a lot of you have seen this but I find it quite funny and wanted to stick it on here.


From an email I received

UPS Air Cargo

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in ****pit
S: Something tightened in ****pit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Al Bragg]

[Lamonster]

[Roaddog2]

[Smylinacha]

Those were funny! I like "Aircraft handles funny" too!

[8LEGS]

[jvicker]

Thats funny. Good thing UPS has never crahed, my windshield may be on one.

[quackerz]

bjt,

Thanks I needed a good laugh to start my Monday off right.

quackerz

[Joey]

11 years in the Navy as an Aviation Maintenance Administrationman (AZ) for short, I took care of the Log book and maintenance records for the A-6E Intruder Aircraft.

One of my favorite write up was:

P - Requires superman strength to move the control stick during flight.
S - Removed kryptonite from under seat, ground checks good.

[vt228]

those where good maid my day thanks keep going