Personal suport needed

[cisaacs]

I know this is a Spyder forum but after meeting everyone at the Spyder Rally in Gatlinburg I discovered there is no better people in the world than Spyder owners. I need support right now. Anything will help.

I am going to tell everyone a story of my past. I met my wife in June 1993, we were both young but it was one of those things that just clicked. She was from a terrible family. Everyone in her family was drug addicts including her mom and dad. She had been raised mostly by her grandparents which also raised 6 other children from the family. Everyone just dumped there kids on the grandparents and went to party. We met while she was still in school and about to quit like everyone else had already done. I convinced her to finish which she did. We got married really to quick but that was 14 years ago. We had our normal ups and downs over the next 7 years. We moved to Myrtle Beach for a summer and all of a sudden she is pregnant with our first child which I guess 7 years was long enough to wait. We moved back to Tn to be close to family to help with a new baby. Everything was going good then money started getting gone and her behavior changed drastically. I though we was just not getting along for a few years maybee growing apart or somthing. After some time I realized it must be drugs. I did a lot or searching before I had the proof. I confronted her, she admitted to use of prescription meds for some time. We went through cold turkey quiting, she was s sick for some time but got through it and everything returned to normal. Life was good. 3 years ago Along comes baby number two. Another great little boy. Everything still great, I went into business for myself and thing went well, I was now making enough money to really take care of the family. About a year ago things started slipping again and I confronted her but just got back lies. I had no proof. It took me a year to finally find anything for sure. I discovered a week ago she was back on the pills. I confronted her again, she agreed she needed help and wanted to quit. We went cold turkey again. Wensday was day 4, withdraws seem to be getting better and things are looking up. Then things went bad again. She drank 2 beers, I did not fell there would be any problems with it and the next thing I know she passes out and topps breathing . I am a Paramedic and new what to do and she came back around immediatly. She began to tell me things donto her as a child (age 5 on up) which was terrible. Her own father and his friends done bad things to this girl. We have been together since 1993 and this is just coming out. She admitted to taking multiple meds along with beer and vodca and want to die. I called 911 immediatly. She heard me calling and went crazy throwing things and fighting. I have loved this girl since 1993 and never seen this out of her. EMS arrived and transported to the hospital. After a full check up and being unresponsive for a couple hour she awoke and does not remember anything. The hospital mental health person met with her and after a short interview the entire staff was in tears after hearing her story. Of course she was sent to one of the local hospitals for drug rehab and ment help. It is 6am here and I just got home. I feel so lost right now. Now I play the waiting game and see how it goes. I have every hope of getting my wife back, we have a long road ahead. Thanks for taking the time to read the hole thing.

[bone crusher]

Wow...

As a licensed healthcare provider, I don't know if this is the proper forum to discuss these types of issues. I know we all love our bikes and care about each other...however, when it comes to issues that certainly require medical intervention, I'm not sure too many here are trained to do so. On that note, you might want to talk to your PCP and see if he/she can make an appropriate recommendation...drug issues can be quite complex and interventions on many levels might be necessary.

Good luck to you, your wife, and your children...

[cisaacs]

No medical recomendations needed, but my heart sure could use a friend right now just feel so alone. When your best friend and life partner goes through this it effects the whole family. I just needed to vent and hoped of someone telling me to hang in or somthing. I have always been told bikers are a family. I sure could use a family to provide a little reasurance and kind word. :pray:

[sleepman]

Well I'm certainly gonna say a few prayers for you and your family. The type of person you are is represented in the fact that you're sticking by her side and are providing the support that she didn't have as a child. Hang in there man, hopefully she'll come through everything with a new outlook on life. Hang in there man.

[Director]

No medical recomendations needed, but my heart sure could use a friend right now just feel so alone. When your best friend and life partner goes through this it effects the whole family. I just needed to vent and hoped of someone telling me to hang in or somthing. I have always been told bikers are a family. I sure could use a family to provide a little reasurance and kind word. :pray:

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, trying to get the psychological and medical help your wife needs. Don't forget about yourself too, though. You might want to consider some counselling to help you through this crisis as well. I am sure there are support groups for folks who are dealing with addiction issues with loved ones. Talk to your family doctor about that. My thoughts, prayers, and best wishes to you and your family.:pray:

Sincerely,

Bruce

[SpyderMark]

I have always been told bikers are a family. I sure could use a family to provide a little reasurance and kind word.
Child abuse is a plague in this country -- you're experiencing its far-reaching effects decades after the fact.

The statistics are astounding...

In one study researchers went to great lengths to protect participant anonymity. They found nearly one in three of the adult women participants, and nearly one in four of the men, experienced some form of abuse as a child. What was even more troubling was nearly half of the women had never reported the abuse, and nearly three-quarters of the men.

The good news is the programs available to provide help to victims continues to grow in both numbers and efficacy. Your family faces a very long and steep uphill climb, and the reality is things will never be the same again. But, these kinds of family crises generally have one of two effects on relationships: they either bring you closer together, or create an unbridgeable gulf. You sound as though you love your wife and want very dearly to continue your life with her as part of your family. If you can maintain that attidude, you and your wife have a good chance of finding a livable peace and harmony.

No matter what happens, you must keep your courage and strength -- both you and your children need it. Send me a PM if you just wanna talk...

I found my solace in action; I fight the scourge of child abuse in our country as a member of Bikers Against Child Abuse (www.bacausa.com (http://www.bacausa.com/)).

BACA is a national organization with many chapters around the country. We work with abused children and empower them to not feel afraid of their world. We don't go around beating up suspected or convicted child abusers (as much fun as that would be), but we do send a clear message that abusers should no longer consider the children we adopt targets of their depravations.

If called, we sit round-the-clock vigil outside our childrens' houses so when they look out their window they see us. We provide escort to and from school, the library, where ever they need to go. We do this to teach these kids there are people in our society who care what happens to them.

In many abuse cases that go to trial the child must testify without a friendly face in the courtroom. That's because the abusers are typically family members, and prosecutors must call other family members to testify. Since one witness cannot be in court when another witness testifies, children often end up going in alone. That doesn't happen with our children. We go to court with them, and when they look out and see a friendly face it can help give them the courage they need to say what needs to be said.

In extreme cases, we visit abusers' neighborhoods and go door-to-door distributing information about child abuse and BACA. Imagine you're a child abuser and 150 bikers show up on your street to tell you and your neighbors about child abuse.

In getting to know my brothers and sisters in BACA, I've heard them talk about their childhood experiences. It seems intuitive after you think about it, but at the time I was stunned to learn many had experienced abuse as children. I've seen the healing BACA members experience simply getting involved and DOING something.

BACA is not for everyone; membership requires commitments, and your local chapter will hold your feet to the fire to meet them should you pursue it. But the rewards are tremendous, on many levels.

Visit the website and contact your local chapter if your interested. You can combine two very worthwhile activities, helping kids and riding your Spyder. I don't know about you, but if I get to ride the Spyder AND know I'm doing something good for my community at the same time, I'm in heaven.

One thing I can tell you unequivocally: should you join and go to visit the kids, your Spyder will be very popular -- kids LOVE Spyders!

Regards,

Mark

[retread]

I will add you to my prayer list, the one thing I've discovered in this messed-up life of mine, He is always there, especially when we need Him.

[frleo]

I strongly recommend you meet with your pastor and look to your church family for support along with the support you will receive from your rYding family.
Surround yourself with loving neighbors, friends, and support groups.
God loves you and is able to supply ALL your needs as well as the needs of your wife.
When you rYde your spYder, with wind in your face -- remember the Creator who makes it all possible.

---frleo---†

[NancysToy]

You are doing what you can, supporting your wife repeatedly, getting her assistance, and loving her in spite of it all. You are perfectly normal to feel lost. Take care of her, and with all our prayers, and your love and help, things will hopefully work out. Like the others said, you need to take care of yourself and the children, too. Counselors, church, friends, or semi-strangers like us. Find someone to help you through it. Most of all, hang in there!
-Scotty

[dltang]

You and your family are in my prayers. You are doing all the right things right now even though it hurts.

[IMRU3]

We have a bond in this forum because we are Spyder owners and enthusiasts. It was a courageous thing on your part to share something so personal about your life. I certainly sense that you were trying to reach out to someone or anyone who would listen about your personal issues. I sympathize with you. I feel that you need to be strong for your wife and kids as well as taking good care of your well being. While we are here to give an advice, a reaction and response to your post, it is your own family that has a stronger bond or connection with you. A love and support from your family- i.e. parents/siblings/ relatives/ pastor/ closest friends that would help guide you in this situation, as well as numerous support groups that are available out there in your community. Seek for help if you feel you are lost or in despair. Do not feel you are alone on this. Be strong for your kids, they are after all just children and they do not understand this sensitive and difficult matter that is going on with their mother and how it is causing you grief.

[baldev]

I strongly recommend you meet with your pastor and look to your church family for support along with the support you will receive from your rYding family.
Surround yourself with loving neighbors, friends, and support groups.
God loves you and is able to supply ALL your needs as well as the needs of your wife.
When you rYde your spYder, with wind in your face -- remember the Creator who makes it all possible.

---frleo---†


More than your pastor you will need to get her a very good therapist. I know what she is going through having had near similar experience. Her past, they are affecting her big time and she does not know how to decipher them or control her emotions.

She loves you and believe me does not want to hurt you BUT having that luggage on her shoulder is straining her emotionally and every time it comes back she grabs the only thing that she feels can help. That is the drugs or alcohol.

I wish you were close and would have recommended someone who has helped tremendously me and many others.

You are a rock in her storied past and you have been doing superbly. You need to get her more help than you can muster. She is opening up and this is the best time to get her the emotional help to help her with the burdened past. The monster is not her, they are her parents and people who destroyed her childhood. She is blaming herself for all the past deeds.

You have been the support that has kept her strong BUT everytime she gets up her past beats her down. That has to be resolved first.

My thoughts are with you and hope all turns out well.

[tatt2r]

spyder or no spyder friends are friends .... all with a common interest that brought us together .... being someone that never drank smoke or done drugs ...it is tough for me to see someone have to suffer for someone they love ....
stay strong for your kids brother .... and vent away

[FANG]

Been thru similar situation with my wife in the late 80's early 90's. We have been together for 31 yrs now. All I can say is be there; no matter what. She may get angry with you and lash out; remember you are not the focus of her anger; just the outlet.
You and your family are in my prayers. We are all extended family here and you can always contact by PM if you just need to talk.
Peace and Love of Christ be with you and you family.

[Lamonster]

Went through something like this with my wife too in the 80's. At the time it looked hopeless but it worked out with a lot of prayer. We've been together since we were 15 and we are almost 50 now. You got my number if you want to talk Bro.

[Magic Man]

I feel for you brother! If you need someone to talk to just call me at the shop anytime. I know things like this sometimes make more sence if you have someone to vent to.

MM

[GI Jane]

Very few families have not had some such experience. Hang in there; seek help and I'll add you and your family to my prayer list.

SpyderLovers helping SpyderLovers.:pray:

[cisaacs]

Now this is what I needed. I first logged back on to check for reponse a couple hours ago and after reading it took a while to regain my composure enought to respond back. Thanks for all the kind words. I just got a call from her doctor where she is and he said she has a good level head a sincere desire to get better which is going to go a long way. She will be there until sometime next week at which point she will be scheduled help outside for as long as needed. She called right after I spoke with the doctor and seemed in good spirits but lonely. Looks like my first visit and meeting as a couple with the counselor will be Saturday morning. I am going to wear a grove in the floor pacing back and forth waiting on Saturday. :banghead: Thanks again for all the kind words, it is helping a ton.

[sleepman]

Good to see that things aren't looking as gray as they did. Keep your positive attitude, it's what both of you will need. I'm going to continue prayers for your entire family.

[4leafpat]

We have been going through a similar thing with one of our sons ( he is 23) for the past three years. I think we are on the right path with medical help and a 12 step progam for him. I can share some things with you that have worked for us. Send me a PM and we can get in touch. Pat

[mdr]

I'm really sorry to hear about your wife, and the pain you all must be going through. I'm a Professor and my research area is sexual assault prevention, so I have seen more cases than I care to remember that mirror your story. Many survivors repress or completely forget what happened, and it can resurface years later. Using drugs or alcohol to cope is not at all uncommon. As others have mentioned, approximately one in four women are sexually assaulted in their life, and I'm sure there are similar statistics for physical and psychological abuse. In most states and communities there are abuse hotlines, and you might consider calling to learn more about what she is going through and find some support groups as well. I also hope you are able to find a therapist who has specialization in this area as many well-meaning therapists and spiritual leaders simply don't have the expertise to counsel abuse survivors. On a positive note, this may be a real turning point in her healing process--the healthiest way to deal with pain is to go through it. She is fortunate to have someone like you in her life during the process.

[cisaacs]

. On a positive note, this may be a real turning point .[/quote]



The event in the past 24 hours have really hurt but also taken a huge weight off. Finally help. She is the sweatest girl I had ever met and she will be again. I firmly believe this is going to draw the whole family together closer even my parents have stepped up offering all kinds of support and kind messages to send to her. :2thumbs:

[Smylinacha]

Sending all my prayers and good healing vibes to you and your wife & kids.

I used to party way too much, I got help for it but am not sober - but I'll never go back "there"!

Anyway, I'm glad she is getting help - get her off those drugs and then deal w/ what is going on the inside.

I wish you all the best.

Sending tons of hugs also.

[ArmyGurl]

Just wanted to show my support and tell you how great you are doing by sticking by her side and helping her through this rough time in her life. Take care of yourself and definitely your boys as well. We're all praying for you!:pray:

[Laz]

Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one that has gone through something like this, although it may seem so right now. I have been where you are now. I have thought and felt many things during my hard time. Remember that she loves you even though she may not show at times. An remember you love her, and what you have had together. You have to stay strong for your children, they need you and her. So hang in there. I will pray for you and your family! GOD is mighty and able to fix all things. Peace and Love go with you my friend. Will send you a PM.

[NautiBrit]

I can't add to the advice already given, but you and your family are in my prayers. God bless you all.

[StSpyder09]

Our prayers go up for you, your wife, and family.

For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20-21 ESV

Street

[beerman]

I wish you all the best. It seems you have gotten alot of advise. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO TAKE CARE OF ARE THE KIDS NO MATTER WHAT!! I would encourage you to seek the professionals. Everyone here means well but they are not the experts you need. You were brave enough to talk to us so you can talk to the experts and get the help you need and deserve for your family. Best of luck and take care of the KIDS!!:thumbup:

[Trap]

I too wish you all the best. It seems you are going in the right direction in getting help. It took a lot of courage to express your concerns on the site and hoping for support. I do believe that the support is there and all are hoping that professional counselling will help you and your family to resolve some of the issues that exist.

[Putt-Putt]

Sorry to here about your family trouble. I've been there too. When things between me and the wife were good they were really good. But when they were bad they were really bad. She came from a family similar to the one you described. We went to counseling and everything. Worked for a while and then back to the same old thing,time after time. After 11 and 1/2 years of this I finally filed for divorce. And went though living hell for 3 years after. But things finally got better. I met the woman I'm married to now after 12 years of being single. And 24 years later I'm still happy. No more worries about crazy things going on. Things are great now 2nd time around is much better. Good luck I hope yours works out mine didn't. The first time anyway.

[Saluda]

Wish you the best, good luck.