PrairieSpyder
10-02-2014, 10:03 AM
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE . . . etc.
George Phillips, an elderly man from
Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up
to bed, when his wife told him that he'd
left the light on in the garden shed,
which she could see from the bedroom
window.
George opened the back door to go turn
off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked
"Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are
breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All
patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when
one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people stealing
things from my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about
them now because I just shot and killed
them both; the dogs are eating them
right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a
SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance
showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George,
"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "and I thought you said
there was nobody available!"
A few chuckles for seniors:
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's
office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor
told her.
There was a moment of silence Before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'..."
***********************
An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the
anesthesia, he asked to speak
to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, Son,
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your Mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife..."
---------------------------------
The older we get,
the fewer things
seem worth waiting for in line,
mostly because we forgot why we
were waiting in line in the first place.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
just remember Algebra.
-------------------------------
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up
your zipper... it's even worse when
you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I
wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a
coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little
desperate."
The old guy says,
"Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
has long legs, and is
wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't
matter, --- let's look for yours."
*********************
And this final one ...
"Lord, please
keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth!"
George Phillips, an elderly man from
Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up
to bed, when his wife told him that he'd
left the light on in the garden shed,
which she could see from the bedroom
window.
George opened the back door to go turn
off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked
"Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are
breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All
patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when
one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people stealing
things from my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about
them now because I just shot and killed
them both; the dogs are eating them
right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a
SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance
showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George,
"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "and I thought you said
there was nobody available!"
A few chuckles for seniors:
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's
office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor
told her.
There was a moment of silence Before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'..."
***********************
An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the
anesthesia, he asked to speak
to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, Son,
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your Mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife..."
---------------------------------
The older we get,
the fewer things
seem worth waiting for in line,
mostly because we forgot why we
were waiting in line in the first place.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
just remember Algebra.
-------------------------------
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up
your zipper... it's even worse when
you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I
wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a
coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little
desperate."
The old guy says,
"Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
has long legs, and is
wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't
matter, --- let's look for yours."
*********************
And this final one ...
"Lord, please
keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth!"