Women's Relationship Rules

[ChasCS]

Women's Relationship Rules


We always hear "the rules" about relationships from the woman's side. Now here are some rules from the male side.


Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!




1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.


1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair,and by then you're stuck with her.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!


1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.Remind us frequently beforehand.


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Check your oil! Please.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera heros.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.


1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.


1. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags/shoes are for you.


1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.




Chas

[ARtraveler]

A lot of words of wisdom there. :roflblack::roflblack:

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Dude... you are SOOoooo... Dead! :yikes:

[rnet]

This is pretty much right on, except the beer part for me anyway as I choose to pick from a higher shelf. VFS :roflblack:

[Bob Denman]

:agree:
Cognac up... :cheers: ...Drink! :thumbup:

[PrairieSpyder]

Too many shoes????? NEVER!!!

[redneck diva]

you can never have too many shoes............ how dare you even think that................

or

Louis Vuitton (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CD0QoAIwAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.louisvuitton.com%2F&ei=WM_sU7XiFI72yQSRjIDgCw&usg=AFQjCNHEn9FAQLxS8KiskHWjD-cFrk602A&bvm=bv.72938740,d.aWw)






oh yes oh yes oh yes

[Bob Denman]

:gaah: My Missus has a wing at the Imelda Marcos Museum, named after her... :shocked:

[ChasCS]

you can never have too many shoes............ how dare you even think that................

or

Louis Vuitton (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CD0QoAIwAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.louisvuitton.com%2F&ei=WM_sU7XiFI72yQSRjIDgCw&usg=AFQjCNHEn9FAQLxS8KiskHWjD-cFrk602A&bvm=bv.72938740,d.aWw)








oh yes oh yes oh yes

Yeah, well it wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't cost an arm and leg...

http://caspost.com/15-most-expensive-women-shoes/

Who's paying for them?

Zsa Zsa Gabor (/ˈʒɑːʒɑː ɡəˈbɔər/) cut her shoe bill in half, when she lost a leg to disease... ;-)

Chas

[SPECTACUALR SPIDERMAN]

I emailed it to my wife, we shall see......

[ChasCS]

Having safe intimate relations...

Not on speaking terms presently? ;-)

I get get a huge kick out of watching everybody with a digital device
strapped to their foreheads, for nearly 27 hrs a day...

Are we slowly losing our ability to communicate face to face with anyone anymore.

Do digitally connected couples text each other goodnight? Just wondered... ;-)

Chas

[Chupaca]

spot on but you should have never signed your name to it...:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: You know...you saw it somewhere, read it in cosmo...:roflblack:

[Bob Denman]

I emailed it to my wife, we shall see......

:yikes: I'm not quite that foolish... :yikes:

[ChasCS]

1.The female makes the rules.
2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.
3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. :-))
Looking for female rules for relationships?

Ah, hmmm, a slightly different take on living together!?


Chas

[ARtraveler]

1.The female makes the rules.
2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.
3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. :-))
Looking for female rules for relationships?

Ah, hmmm, a slightly different take on living together!?


Chas

Oh My! it sure sounds like someone I used to know. :roflblack::roflblack:

[Bob Denman]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_12_1.gif

[Princeau99]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_23.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_12_1.gif

Or do you have an editor to make them?

I also agree with your earlier post; "he is sooooooooo dead"

[Bob Denman]

Unfortunately,
I was given a link the site for them, by another member in here; back in 2011,
and they're now gone... :shocked:
www.smileycentral.com (http://www.smileycentral.com)

[ChasCS]

Like I stated previously. I have nothing to lose, and the world to gain.

Besides, she will know this was all meant in jest and good humour. Right??

Honey, I'm home!! Hello-hello??

Dead silence...



Chas

[Bob Denman]

Throw your baseball cap into the room...
If it's met with the blast from a shotgun; plan on eating-out, for the duration! :shocked:

[garb55]

1.The female makes the rules.
2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.
3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. :-))
Looking for female rules for relationships?

Ah, hmmm, a slightly different take on living together!?


Chas

Not in my house
I pay the bills
That's why she no longer lives here:yes::yes::yes: