safecracker
08-05-2014, 08:46 AM
When the fight started
I saw this on another site.....hope you
like
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when
the fight started....
............................................
My
wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she
answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I asked my
wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to
see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when
the fight
started....
.............................................
Saturday
morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and
slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed,
and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving
wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in
that?'
And that's when the fight
started....
...........................................
A man and
a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the
morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from
the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap. That must be my husband!'
So the
man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed
himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he
could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah,
then why were you running?'
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I tried to talk
my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought
a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look
better at night than the face cream..
And that's when the fight
started....
...........................................
A woman was
standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she
saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I
really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your
eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I took my
wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll
have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried
about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the
fight started....
...........................................
My
wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those
many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my
wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And
that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
...........................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security
office to apply for my SIN
The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.'
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
.............
When I got home last
night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to
a gas station.
And that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
....
My wife was hinting about what she
wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.I bought her a bathroom scale.
And
that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
..
One year, a husband decided to buy
his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he
didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight
started.....
I saw this on another site.....hope you
like
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when
the fight started....
............................................
My
wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she
answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I asked my
wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to
see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when
the fight
started....
.............................................
Saturday
morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and
slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed,
and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving
wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in
that?'
And that's when the fight
started....
...........................................
A man and
a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the
morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from
the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap. That must be my husband!'
So the
man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed
himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he
could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah,
then why were you running?'
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I tried to talk
my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought
a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look
better at night than the face cream..
And that's when the fight
started....
...........................................
A woman was
standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she
saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I
really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your
eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight
started....
............................................
I took my
wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll
have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried
about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the
fight started....
...........................................
My
wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those
many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my
wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And
that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
...........................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security
office to apply for my SIN
The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.'
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
.............
When I got home last
night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to
a gas station.
And that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
....
My wife was hinting about what she
wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.I bought her a bathroom scale.
And
that's when the fight
started....
..................................................
..............................
..
One year, a husband decided to buy
his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he
didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight
started.....