An atheist in the woods

[DLewis]

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: :roflblack: :clap:

[Cruzr Joe]

Love it.


Cruzr joe

[Bob Denman]

It turns out the the Good Lord has a great sense of humor... ;)

[danlnc]

70308

It turns out the the Good Lord has a great sense of humor... ;)

For some reason this photo came to mind.

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Red Rum :shocked:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iwK2jwqFfk

[PrairieSpyder]

:roflblack: An oldie but a goodie! :thumbup:

[Chupaca]

:roflblack::roflblack::clap:But then the atheist got blessed in the end..

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: I wonder what would happen if you showed up at the Pearly Gates, and said, "Thanks; but no thanks..."? :shocked:

[spydaman60]

my question is---" why wasn't the atheist carrying?" :thumbup: oops, did i say that?:roflblack::roflblack:

[Firefly]

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

Well, as a former Christian and now happier than ever Atheist (really prefer facts over fiction), I can tell you an Atheist wouldn't give in under such conditions... nor is the popular phrase "No Atheists in foxholes" accurate.
The number of Atheists continues to grow - now approaching 16% in the United States.... :yes:

"It's called faith because it isn't knowledge" ~ Christopher Hitchens.

[Firefly]

:shocked: I wonder what would happen if you showed up at the Pearly Gates, and said, "Thanks; but no thanks..."? :shocked:


That would work for me..... all my friends wouldn't be somewhere else anyway.... ;).

Too much time(and money) is spent worrying about some un-provable afterlife.... and not enough enjoying the time we have now in the real world.....

[mxz600]

The United States of Jesus


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f01IBDoZGg

It's getting old people, do some reading and please start with the Bible.

[Firefly]

Awesome video Mark.... and right on the money...:thumbup:

[Bob Denman]

:agree: It was funnier than Hell... http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_19.gif

[mxz600]

Awesome video Mark.... and right on the money...:thumbup:

I'm glad you liked it Dan.

Here is another good one.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSdGr4K4qLg

As a great wise man once said. "I once had imaginary friends too, but I outgrew mine".

[Bob Denman]

Here's an interesting situation to ponder...
If the Christians are wrong... what's the worst that'll happen to them? NOTHING! They fade away and become compost...
But what if the Atheists are wrong? What might happen to them? :yikes:
think about that a bit... ;)

[MidLifeCrisis]

http://www.prageruniversity.com/Religion-Philosophy/God-or-Atheism--Which-Is-More-Rational.html

[Some Guy]

Awesome video Mark.... and right on the money...:thumbup:

Dang! I'm at work and videos are blocked by our IT Security department. :(

[mxz600]

Here's an interesting situation to ponder...
If the Christians are wrong... what's the worst that'll happen to them? NOTHING! They fade away and become compost...
But what if the Atheists are wrong? What might happen to them? :yikes:
think about that a bit... ;)

I do appreciate your concern Bob, but based on my study and research I am not worried in the least.

Food for thought. Just think how many more farkles you could buy if you weren't giving 10% to the church.:roflblack:

You are giving 10% to the church aren't you Bob?

[Some Guy]

"It's called faith because it isn't knowledge" ~ Christopher Hitchens.

:thumbup:

[mxz600]

http://www.prageruniversity.com/Religion-Philosophy/God-or-Atheism--Which-Is-More-Rational.html


There were some good points there, and he was a lot easier to listen to than Dr. William Lane Craig, but it still doesn't prove anything. And even if the universe was created through divine intervention, it does not mean that the bible is the word of god.

[Firefly]

Sorry Midlife.... But we have the fossils and DNA evidence....we win...;-). Religious texts(name your flavor) have been wrong on so much...of course they were written before science so the men who wrote them really had no clue...hence why they claimed silly things like the earth is flat and has a sun the revolves around it, or the super silly creation story(which totally changes from gen1 to gen2).
Evolution is provable fact with data to back it up. Religious texts have no such proof and require blind faith--- which is fine for those who choose to do so.... But they really look silly when they deny cold,hard facts.
I'm fine with them as long as they keep such silliness out of our schools and government and don't push it onto others.

Things based on faith should not be presented as fact. It really is that simple.

[Bob Denman]

I do appreciate your concern Bob, but based on my study and research I am not worried in the least.

Food for thought. Just think how many more farkles you could buy if you weren't giving 10% to the church.:roflblack:

You are giving 10% to the church aren't you Bob?

(Without wanting to cause a debate in here...)
I believe in God; NOT in religion... ;)

To me; he is everywhere and in everything!

[Firefly]

So Bob.... Believing 'just in case'. ???? Really??? That's a lame reason and you know it.

I mean really.... Christians believe in a talking snake in the garden of Eden.... And us Atheists are the crazy ones? Lol

If there really is a 'god' that is all knowing, I frankly would have nothing to do with him. Is he too busy helping Suzy with her bowling score or SAT test that he ignores the millions of starving people in the world?
I don't know about you... But if I'm walking down the street and see someone dying and fail to help them.... And when asked why I didn't help them my answer is "I work in mysterious ways".... That would make me an ***hole... Not a 'god'.

[Bob Denman]

And in the words of Gene Wilder (and Mel Brooks)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHJbSvidohg

[mxz600]

And one more thing and then I'm done.

How many of you so called christians have actually read the bible. My guess would be close to zero. Most of you just hear the cherry picked scriptures over and over that are read to you in church, how convenient.

[MidLifeCrisis]

I do appreciate your concern Bob, but based on my study and research I am not worried in the least.

Food for thought. Just think how many more farkles you could buy if you weren't giving 10% to the church.:roflblack:

You are giving 10% to the church aren't you Bob?


You are absolutely correct. Life is all about greed and farkles. Damned be those who ever lend a hand, give to others or worse yet, beleive their actions have consequences or even worse yet, judged by someone much greater than they. For that belief we will all continue to be mocked as a bunch of brainless fools.

[Daisyjoe]

(Without wanting to cause a debate in here...)
I believe in God; NOT in religion... ;)

To me; he is everywhere and in everything!

:bowdown::bowdown:

[MidLifeCrisis]

And one more thing and then I'm done.

How many of you so called christians have actually read the bible. My guess would be close to zero. Most of you just hear the cherry picked scriptures over and over that are read to you in church, how convenient.

I'm on my 30th time through, but who's counting. Most churches I know don't spoon feed you like the ones you see on TV.

[Bob Denman]

Let's all just slow our rolls and take a deep breath...
Some folks believe, and some don't; that's pretty much indisputable.
What we DO with that information is up to us...
Wars, torture, murder... Man's inhumanity to man has been unleashed time and again over this...
Not in here... :shocked:

[Some Guy]

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology." - Thomas Jefferson

[mxz600]

You are absolutely correct. Life is all about greed and farkles. Damned be those who ever lend a hand, give to others or worse yet, beleive their actions have consequences or even worse yet, judged by someone much greater than they. For that belief we will all continue to be mocked as a bunch of brainless fools.

The farkles thing was a joke to Bob and I hope he knows that. And yes the church does a lot of good things for those in need. But just because I don't give 10% to the church does not mean I don't give my fair share to charities ( cancer, ms, diabetes, FOP, march of dimes, red cross, just to name a few).


I'm on my 30th time through, but who's counting. Most churches I know don't spoon feed you like the ones you see on TV.

Good for you, and I mean that in a good way. I really don't think that would be the norm for most people.


Let's all just slow our rolls and take a deep breath...
Some folks believe, and some don't; that's pretty much indisputable.
What we DO with that information is up to us...
Wars, torture, murder... Man's inhumanity to man has been unleashed time and again over this...
Not in here... :shocked:

OK, I'll stop now.:thumbup:

[bruiser]

All this over a joke that someone posted. Have to agree with Bob. Not the place or the time for this kind of debate. We all have our beliefs. I have not seen anything on SL where one or another has posed those beliefs on others, until now. I think too that the current talk violates the code of conduct for this forum. I'm off my soap box now.

[bruisersbaby]

I have read this thread with much interest, and it amazes me that our atheist friends can post quotes about their beliefs, but if we Christians were to post Bible verses, we would be judged for being brainless, believe in fantasy, fools. This did start with a joke, one that has been around for quite a while, and blows up into a conversation of atheist vs. Christian. As a Christian, I do not and will not judge anyone for their beliefs, for their faith, or the way they wish to live their life. I will say that we can all agree to disagree, but do not condemn each other for their philosophies and faith.

[Bob Denman]

Let's not get the thread pulled; let's just agree to disagree, and move on to something less volatile...
Like Helmet usage...
or guns! :roflblack:

[bruiser]

How about Rt vs RS.

[rojodawg]

Sorry Midlife.... But we have the fossils and DNA evidence....we win...;-). Religious texts(name your flavor) have been wrong on so much...of course they were written before science so the men who wrote them really had no clue...hence why they claimed silly things like the earth is flat and has a sun the revolves around it, or the super silly creation story(which totally changes from gen1 to gen2).
Evolution is provable fact with data to back it up. Religious texts have no such proof and require blind faith--- which is fine for those who choose to do so.... But they really look silly when they deny cold,hard facts.
I'm fine with them as long as they keep such silliness out of our schools and government and don't push it onto others.

Things based on faith should not be presented as fact. It really is that simple.

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Mark Twain


"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." Thomas Aquinas

:pray:

[Some Guy]

How about Rt vs RS.

RTs are comfortable.

RSs are fast!

GSs are old and fast!!! :thumbup:

[Bob Denman]

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." Thomas Aquinas

Or...
How do you know that oxygen exists? Have you ever seen it?

[mxz600]

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Mark Twain


"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." Thomas Aquinas

:pray:



Or...
How do you know that oxygen exists? Have you ever seen it?

:banghead:

[Bob Denman]

All I'm saying; is that we all go on Faith once in a while...
Sorry about your headache... (:banghead:)

[shelbydave]

Wow... it all started with a joke... Kinda funny one too... after reading through, I'm surprised there's no Padlock icon on here yet...

[Firefly]

I have read this thread with much interest, and it amazes me that our atheist friends can post quotes about their beliefs, but if we Christians were to post Bible verses, we would be judged for being brainless, believe in fantasy, fools. This did start with a joke, one that has been around for quite a while, and blows up into a conversation of atheist vs. Christian. As a Christian, I do not and will not judge anyone for their beliefs, for their faith, or the way they wish to live their life. I will say that we can all agree to disagree, but do not condemn each other for their philosophies and faith.

Actually, there are people posting Christian things all the time out here.
If a joke was posted making fun of a Christian or Muslim that would garner a lot of complaints... So why is a joke about an Atheist okay?
I'd prefer to keep everything out here secular... As the good lord intended....lol

[Bob Denman]

One has to be coming soon... :shocked:
:agree: all of this over a joke... :gaah:

[Firefly]

Wow... it all started with a joke... Kinda funny one too... after reading through, I'm surprised there's no Padlock icon on here yet...

Funny to whom? Could be offensive to an Atheist.... ;-)
I suppose if I posted some jokes that make fun of Christians that would be okay? I hardly think so....;-)

[ARtraveler]

I like the joke.

I was also afraid it would culminate in another religious discussion that could go on forever and not have a good outcome. This is a hot button subject that has proponents on both sides. The subject brings out big emotions and will never be solved on a site about :spyder2:'s.

I do favor the Christian side--but I don't come down on those that believe other things. You cannot convert a non-Christian by beating them over the head with the biggest Bible you can find. Other names could be subsitited for "non-Christian" and "biggest Bible."

Let's be friendly over this hot button subject. :D

[bullant12]

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”

70317

[shelbydave]

Funny to whom? Could be offensive to an Atheist.... ;-)
I suppose if I posted some jokes that make fun of Christians that would be okay? I hardly think so....;-)

I take it for what it is... Regardless of who it is targeting... With the exception of handicapped people, or my children. I choose to understand the statement as just that, and NOT be offended by jokes.

BTW.. While in the Air Force, I worked with an African American guy who had just about all the slavery jokes anyone could think of... He told them, and laughed at them...

We get way too offended these days...

[mxz600]

Who needs a doctor, when your Catholic priest can check your prostate for free.

[Some Guy]

Who needs a doctor, when your Catholic priest can check your prostate for free.

:roflblack: :roflblack: :roflblack:

[Jeriatric]

nor is the popular phrase "No Atheists in foxholes" accurate.

I deleted my previous post. Cause in the grand scheme of things it really didn't matter.

But, I do have a question for 'you'.

Just how many foxholes/bunkers have you been in?

Or, are you being lead by the same blind faith you're accusing others of. 'Someone else said'.

If ya ain't been there...........ya don't know.

That's a fact!!

Like ya man.......but you jumped out of the box on this one.

[bruisersbaby]

And, in the grand scheme of things, we are all related in some way! Spyder ryders who can have fun, joke with each other, agree to disagree. And, I disagree with Bruiser. Blue RT goes faster than red RT. :2thumbs:

[bruiser]

Worked with a black guy at Dover AFB who used to bring in Richard Pryor tapes and play them all the time. Was fun until a newly assigned black master sergeant complained. Then TC, me, and three others had to go to an EOT class. After that we couldn't use our radio/tape players. So we just started singing, old black gospel songs. :roflblack: They let us use our radios again but couldn't play anything that was considered off color, racial, biased.