Best Police Lines

[Joe T.]

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.


#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired
from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to
do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
I really liked this one!!!

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in
monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as
we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal
friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post
your bail."

And... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."