View Full Version : NSFW Wtf?!?!?!?!?!

Joe T.
04-22-2019, 05:15 PM
From an article in the Los Angeles Times...

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors
in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had
been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had
gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and
slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted
out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve
Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube
and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning
his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in
turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling
the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns
to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Anonymous response to dangerous rodent:

O.K., here's the top ten things that scared me the most in reading this

10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum . . ." Ouch!!!

9) "So I peered into the tube . . ." Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I'm sorry, but
that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use
binoculars to stare at the sun.

8) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem)
being shot out of the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on
Rocky & Bullwinkle.

7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of
someone's ass. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said
gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's
"tunnel of love."

6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in
their rectums.

5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were
doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I
would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal
sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal
lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I
just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's
like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this
cardboard tube . . ."

4) "First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this make
the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief?
How does one ever take a healthy **** after something like this?
And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most
horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.

3) People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for
"Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."

2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?

1) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those
Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond

I hope y'all laughed as hard as I did.

Joe T.


I have a confession:

I really didn't believe there was such a thing as 'Gay People' up until nearly 1980. My wife graduated from Pharmacy School in 1978. She began her career in a large hospital in Ft. Worth, TX.

That hospital had a 'decentralized' pharmacy. That means each pharmacist on duty that shift was assigned a floor, or location to work. Each floor/location had its own 'cart' filled with the drugs typically used for the patients on that floor, including all of the orders (drugs) that the doc's had prescribed to be administered that shift. My precious wife a lot of 2nd shifts in those days - - - -

Well, my precious wife came home after work one evening. It was a weekend shift. She just had to tell me something. She had been working the emergency room.

A young man came into the ER. He had a shot glass stuffed up his rectum!!!! And, that shot glass had broken!!

The doc's worked for quite a while to get all of the glass out of his butt. There was blood on the floor everywhere.

AIDs had just become known. The guy on the table was GAY!! Blood from that GAY guy was everywhere. AIDs was associated with the GAY community and it was transmitted via body fluids - blood in particular.

The Pharmacist (my wife), all of the nurses, and anyone else who was not actively working on the gay guy was standing UP AGAINST THE WALL!! No one wanted near him or his blood.

When my wife got home, the first thing she did was remove her NEW SHOES and throw them away!!!

After she told me that story, I finally realized there really were GAY PEOPLE!

I've led such a sheltered life - - - - -

Joe T.
04-22-2019, 05:17 PM
Yeah, yeah. I know. An urban legend.

But dang, it sure is funny!!!!!

Joe T.