SpyderConvert
03-30-2019, 07:14 AM
If you do not see the humor, then you have been fortunate enough to have never owned an English car.
The Lucas Electric motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp
The three-position Lucas Headlamp Switch-- OFF, DIM & FLICKER.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob....
If Lucas made guns, wars would be obsolete
Did you hear about the Lucas-powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner,
"How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" He replied,
"It doesn't matter which one you use; nothing happens anyway!"
In the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners.
It was the only product they offered that didn't suck.
Lucas Quality Assurance advised engineering that they had trouble with his design shorting out.
So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit, open circuit, and intermittent circuit!
A 3-in-1 British Patent.
Extra credit was awarded for "the floating ground", but was met with high resistance.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
Check the position of the stars,
Kill a chicken,
Walk three times sun-wise around your car, chanting:
"Oh mighty Prince of Darkness, protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.
The Lucas Electric motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp
The three-position Lucas Headlamp Switch-- OFF, DIM & FLICKER.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob....
If Lucas made guns, wars would be obsolete
Did you hear about the Lucas-powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner,
"How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" He replied,
"It doesn't matter which one you use; nothing happens anyway!"
In the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners.
It was the only product they offered that didn't suck.
Lucas Quality Assurance advised engineering that they had trouble with his design shorting out.
So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit, open circuit, and intermittent circuit!
A 3-in-1 British Patent.
Extra credit was awarded for "the floating ground", but was met with high resistance.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
Check the position of the stars,
Kill a chicken,
Walk three times sun-wise around your car, chanting:
"Oh mighty Prince of Darkness, protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.