REDNECK LENT
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked
to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. And as the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
REDNECK LENT
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked
to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. And as the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope.
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his
despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the
sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked
closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
I still have one good arm to do things with."
He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so
happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms.
He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and
felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his
life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on
with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels
again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
So one day a Engineer died and wound up going to hell.
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action.
The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks.
He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Yea right! where are YOU going to get a lawyer up in Heaven?"
2011 RT-S SM5 - Black
Bought June 2013 with 450 miles. 27K on 8-1-2017.
Farkles - DIY Trunk Break Light, HMT Break Light, DIY Mirror Turn Signal Lights, DIY Bluetooth Dongle, DIY iPod Setup, DIY Alarm System Install, Show Chrome front fender / rear saddle bag lights, 4th break light around the trunk, Vented Windshield, Baja Ron Sway Bar, DIY GPS setup, Smooth Spyder, BRP Chrome Mirrors, Adjustable deflectors, Triaxis handlebars, NVB Pegs, Bad Boy Airhorn... More to come
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity level of a twelve-year-old. He stated that it was OK, because he loved her so much. "I, too, have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant, and I hope you could deal with that once we are married." She answered, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis." Sandy and Jim got married, and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite, and they started touch-teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She exclaimed, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"
"Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, nineteen inches long!"
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After being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to
describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said: "You're an
alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks: "What the hell does that mean?"
He said: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,
Gorgeous, and Hot."
She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"
He said: "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly
optimistic about saving his testicles.
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Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate("desperados") at the loss.
So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as ...sinko de Mayo.
Is it Friday yet? ... Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm retired
Past bikes
2010 RS - Sold
2012 RT - Sold
2014 RT - Testing completed
2016 F3-T Audio package - Sold
Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate("desperados") at the loss.
So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as ...sinko de Mayo.
this posting has been vetted, scrubbed and endorsed by the committee for postings
Car keys!! They weren't in my pockets! Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it
had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice."Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted,"I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Three blondes were applying for the last available position in the Wyoming Sheriff's Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice such things as distinguishing features and oddities, like scars and tattoos."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the same photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Did you notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other bimbo? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde replied, "I sure did! This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, examined the picture and began reviewing some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, duhhhhhhh! With only one eye and one ear he certainly can't wear glasses!"
The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest! The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to say something.
The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest! The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to say something.
never saw that comin
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I hope that it worked for her!
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Bob Denman
Put in your earplugs... 
