Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

Please; take them home, and pass them out to your friends!

[bruiser]

Worked in a pork processing plant. Got fired for hamming it up.

[Bob Denman]

Got fired from a hot dog stand...
It seems that I couldn't cut the mustard!

[Bob Denman]

I worked for a Brassiere Manufacturer for a while...
They went bust.

[Bob Denman]

I once worked in a bird sanctuary for Owls...
Now THAT was a real hoot!

[Bob Denman]

I worked for a manufacturer of elevators for a little while...
I couldn't make a career out of it; business was just too "Up and Down".

[bruiser]

I worked on a fishing boat baiting hooks. I was the

Oh, never mind.

[bruiser]

fart sun.jpg

[Bob Denman]

I worked on a fishing boat baiting hooks. I was the

Oh, never mind.

You mean...
...You got PAID?

[bruiser]

I have heard and understand your question sir, but I exercise my 5th. amendment right.

[bruiser]

Bob.jpg

[ottawa-rider]

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Two Blondes With Hammers... Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, she would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants..... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000..00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...... 'Two popsicles & some coffee.' +++++++++++++ AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically... 'What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

[Bob Denman]

Here's some refills for you!

http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_top_500...nde_jokes.html

[Spyder_Cowgirl]

Heard this somewhere ... years ago ... no idea who deserves credit!

"That money talks, I won't deny. I heard it once, it said 'goodbye'!"

Best Regards .... Ann

[Bob Denman]

Ain't that, the awful truth??

[Blue Star]

[bruiser]

We've all been there.



A friend was trying to get on a website to buy a product,
but she was having difficulties setting her password.
The interchange went as follows:


"Please create your password below."
roses



"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses



"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose



"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose


"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose


"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose


"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose


"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMe AccessRightNow!

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeA ccessRightNow


"Sorry, that password is already in use".

[bruiser]

school picture.jpg

We all like to look at old school pictures. Class pictures are great to help you to look back and remember your schoolmates.


It can also be fun at reunions for looking back to see how much everyone has changed.

[Chupaca]

We've all been there.



A friend was trying to get on a website to buy a product,
but she was having difficulties setting her password.
The interchange went as follows:


"Please create your password below."
roses



"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses



"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose



"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose


"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose


"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose


"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose


"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMe AccessRightNow!

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeA ccessRightNow


"Sorry, that password is already in use".

Been there to many times and some times I add a number and they say already taken so I go up one number and so on and are amazed at how many there are as I reach like 20...

[Bob Denman]

Most folks don't like to type-out obscenities...
If you can work them in as a password:

[Daisyjoe]

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

[Bob Denman]

I don't dare say much; but

[bruiser]

Uh, this may hurt a little. Said the proctologist.

[Bob Denman]

PS_0802W_LOVE_SLEEPING.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Save Plants.jpg