Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

Break in the weather Bob, Lake Orriville is down 50 feet, and they are working on fixing the spillway.

I'm glad to hear that the situation is improving!

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A younger, inexperienced Indian chief was wondering how much firewood he needed to gather for the winter. He was not like the chiefs in the past that could tell from the clouds and stuff like that.

He decided to make his people gather tons of firewood, more than they usually gather just to be safe. The young chief was still curious though so he decided to call the weather service people.

The weather service said that it was supposed to be a pretty cold winter, colder than most years.

So the young chief made his people gather more firewood. They were getting pretty tired.

Again the chief called the weather service and they said that it was suppose to be even colder.

So the Indians went back to wood cutting, and were getting even more tired. Some were even ill and their hands were rubbed raw and blistered. They had to build an additional hut for all of the firewood which took even more wood to build.

Once again the chief called, and the weather service said that there may be another ice age.

The chief asked him how they could tell all of this and he simply replied, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"



Jerry Baumchen

[Bob Denman]

You know what they say:
"It's better to have it and not need it; than get caught raiding your neighbor's wood-pile!"

[Peter Aawen]

...than get caught raiding your neighbor's wood-pile!"

ESPECIALLY if your neighbour has been annoyed by people flogging his wood & so has taken to occasionally drilling out the centre of the odd random log or six & filling the resulting holes with dynamite!! That can rapidly turn a cold winter's evening gathering around the fire into a real blast!!

[Bob Denman]

Yup!
Our hunting camp kept having it's wood supply pilfered, so we did just that!
(Well, we loaded the log with blackpowder...)
I heard about a camp blowing up at the Annual Meeting; but of course I knew nothing about it.
(Our camp is part of a collection of 31 camps, that lease from a logging company.)

[Bfromla]

http://drive.google.com/file/d/0Byng...?usp=drive_web


I wasn't there but I still care!
POW MIA VETS

[cuznjohn]

[SpyderConvert]

A woman is going at it with her husband's best friend one afternoon
when suddenly the phone rings. She hops out of bed to answer it:

"Hello . . . OK, bye."

"Who was that?" asks the guy.

"Just my husband," she replies.

"Oh, ****, I'd better get going. Did he say where he was? Is he
coming home?"

"Don't worry," says the wife. "He said he's down at the bar
playing a few games of pool with you."

[Bob Denman]

This is what all of you 70+ year-olds, and yet-to-be kids have to look
forward to!! This is something that happened at an assisted living
center.

The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria.

One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on
his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running
late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs.
He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and
seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance
but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of
the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they
called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine,
he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

I am sending this to my children so that they don’t sell the house before they know the facts.

[cuznjohn]

[Bob Denman]

Worried.jpg

[Bob Denman]

At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says,
“I need a favor. I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold
him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?”
Irving is not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong
friend, he reluctantly agrees.
After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking
him all sorts of stupid questions – just to keep him occupied.
After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, “Irving
what are you really up to?”
Irving, filled with deep feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to
the Rabbi, “I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife
right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder and says,
“You’d probably better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years
ago!!!”

[vided]

IMG_2009.JPG

[Sam Mac]

PSYCHOLOGY Vs. LAW
A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl:"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice:
"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt
embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded in a loud voice:
"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

[Zip]

Because they are single user occupancy
.

[Bob Denman]

Because they are single user occupancy

They are? Nobody ever told that to the campers at the Aquarian Arts Festival...
And they used them for more than just toilets!

[Cruzr Joe]

They are? Nobody ever told that to the campers at the Aquarian Arts Festival...
And they used them for more than just toilets!

Wow, now that's bad.

Cruzr Joe

[Bob Denman]

... But then: Love always finds a way!

[cuznjohn]

[Bob Denman]

Speaking of diets:

Dye-it.jpg

[cuznjohn]

[Bfromla]

So you think you're having a bad day...

then you step outside of your house...

and look up into the beautiful blue sky...

…and see this!!!!!

All of a sudden, you crack a smile and you say to yourself:

“Now that's a big ass balloon!!!”

…and things don't seem quite so bad!

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

Old people at weddings.jpg

[Bob Denman]

Wait until all of the surgeries are done, before saying " Cheese!"

Caitly Jenner phot shoot outtake.jpg

[Cruzr Joe]

The AMA has weighed in on Trump's health care package:
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but
the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under
a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea
shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
While the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and
the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new
face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,
and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out,
leaving the entire decision up to the *******s in Washington.