Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

There are the Daughter-in-laws...
Or you could smooch with the President; if that's what stirs your coffee!!

[vided]

I'm going to be good
IMG_1026.JPG

[Bob Denman]

AWWWWwwwwwwww.......

[vided]

IMG_2703.JPG

[SpyderConvert]

The job has its perks......

[Bob Denman]

And he's not sharing THAT list at all!

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A guy had an accident and dies.He goes to Heaven and meet with God. He wants to ask a few questions to God if he has a chance.

"Please My Lord, I want to learn about women."

“Sure,”God says, “What do you want to know?”

“Well,why did you make women so pretty?” he asks.

God replies, “So you would like them.”

“OK,” the guy says. “But how come you made them so beautiful?”

“So you would love them”, God replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, “But why did you make them such airheads?”

God replies, “So they would love you!”



Jerry Baumchen

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A mortician, Henry was working late one night at the mortuary .

He examined the body of Mr. Fritz, about to be cremated and made a startling discovery.

Mr. Fritz had the biggest private part he had ever seen!

‘I’m sorry Mr. Fritz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive special part. It must be saved for posterity.’

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his suitcase, and took it home.

‘I have something to show you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife Monica and he opened his suitcase.

‘Oh My God!’ Monica screamed, ‘Fritz is dead!’



Jerry Baumchen

[Bob Denman]

THAT's when the fight started!

[SpyderConvert]

I got chatting to a girl in a club. "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have
girlfriends."

"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white
wine please."

A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing
in bed. Can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"

I said, "My wife found out."

[Bob Denman]

[retread]

Randolph the rude nosed reindeer
Put it where it didn't belong
And if he hadn't done it
This would be a longer song!

john

[mowin]

Randolph the rude nosed reindeer
Put it where it didn't belong
And if he hadn't done it
This would be a longer song!

john

And that's where the term "venison" originated from.

[SpyderConvert]

The teacher asked young Malcolm: "What do you do at Christmas time?"

Malcolm addressed the class: "Well Miss Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight mass and we sing hymns;
then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings.
Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Santa Claus to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Malcolm," she said. "Now Jimmy, what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Miss Jones, my sister and I also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there were Jewish boys in the class and not wanting to leave them out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, Miss Jones, it's the same thing every year - Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to Dad's toy factory.
When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'"

"Then we all get on Dad’s jet and fly to the Bahamas."

[vided]

IMG_2713.JPG

[vided]

IMG_2714.jpg

[SpyderConvert]

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.

[SpyderConvert]

And They Ask Why I Like Retirement!!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite:

Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday& Sunday, I rest.

[Bob Denman]

You make it sound soooo.... FUN!
(A little over five years to go... )

[SpyderConvert]

You make it sound soooo.... FUN!
(A little over five years to go... )

It'll be 4 years next month and I still can't figure out how I ever found time to go to work!!

[vided]

IMG_2715.JPG

[SpyderConvert]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she said.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Ffffff!, but before she could say "F**k!," the Rottweiler ate her!
The teacher had to leave the room.

[vided]

IMG_2724.jpg

[Saluda]

It'll be 4 years next month and I still can't figure out how I ever found time to go to work!!

We're about on the same schedule and I couldn't agree more. Retirement is the best "job" I ever had.

[Bob Denman]

IMG_2724.jpg

70s-big-wheel-jumping-ramp1.jpg