A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. -John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. - David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire. - Howard Hughes
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. - Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - ZsaZsaGabor
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. - Emo Philips.
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. - Harrison Ford
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. - Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. - W. H. Auden
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. - Johnny Carson
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. - Arthur C Clarke
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. - Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. - George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. - Robert Benchley
The weather person is the only person that I know, that can be wrong 99.9 % of the time and still have a job the next day -Johnny Carson
Is it Friday yet? ... Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm retired
Past bikes
2010 RS - Sold
2012 RT - Sold
2014 RT - Testing completed
2016 F3-T Audio package - Sold
A blonde man is in the
bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers,
"Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's
for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet
with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to
me." The blonde man
says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He
spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts
frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was
driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve To avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells
the cop about all the trees in the
Road. The cop says, "That's your
air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His
wife says "Why don't
You put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the
dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks. "Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail.
The guard looks in his cell and sees him
Hanging by his feet. "Just
WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the
guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I
couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually
makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba
divers always fall
Backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man
replies: "If they fell Forward, they'd still be in the boat."
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blonde
man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three
grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
Station.
One asked:
"What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie
and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the Next time you & your wife are
having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I
wasn't even at home
yesterday."
A blonde man is in the
bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers,
"Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's
for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet
with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to
me." The blonde man
says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He
spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts
frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was
driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve To avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells
the cop about all the trees in the
Road. The cop says, "That's your
air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His
wife says "Why don't
You put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the
dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks. "Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail.
The guard looks in his cell and sees him
Hanging by his feet. "Just
WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the
guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I
couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually
makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba
divers always fall
Backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man
replies: "If they fell Forward, they'd still be in the boat."
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blonde
man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three
grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
Station.
One asked:
"What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie
and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the Next time you & your wife are
having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I
wasn't even at home
yesterday."
Okay; I'm not posting this for the Political -storm that it could create...
I'm posting it only to show one person's feelings were SOOOO strong about a candidate...
If you take it in that light; it IS funny!
Okay; I'm not posting this for the Political -storm that it could create...
I'm posting it only to show one person's feelings were SOOOO strong about a candidate...
If you take it in that light; it IS funny!
The Folks in Arkansas know her well.
Cruzr Joe
2018 F3 Limited, BRP Driver Backrest, Spyderpops Lighted Bump Skid, Dual Spyclops Light, Mirror Turn Signals, Laser Alignment, Engine LEDs, Fog Lights With Halo's, Cushion Handgrips, BRT LEDs, and Under Lighting, Lamonster IPS, (with Clock), F4 25" Vented Windshield with Wings, Airhawk "R" Cushions. Position 4 Brake setting, Short reach Handlebars, Dash Mounted Voltmeter and 12 Volt Plug. Set of 3rd pegs. Extended Passenger Seat. Exterior BRP Connect setup, Ultimate Trailer
I actually heard another one about her...
That if she doesn't get elected to the Presidency; she's going to come back to New York, and run for Governor's Office!
How do I figure out what to do about it?
(Besides move? )
Remember the "esteemed(?)" Senator Larry Craig from Idaho getting caught up in the airport restroom sex scandal? After that incident the two following bits of art work were making the rounds.
From World War II time
Kilroy was here!
A few years ago
Craig was here!
2014 Copper RTS
Tri-Axis bars, CB, BajaRon sway bar & shock adjusters, SpyderPop's Bumpskid, NBV peg brackets, LED headlights and modulator, Wolo trumpet air horns, trailer hitch, custom trailer harness, high mount turn signals, Custom Dynamics brake light, LED turn signal lights on mirrors, LED strip light for a dash light, garage door opener, LED lights in frunk, trunk, and saddlebags, RAM mounts and cradles for tablet (for GPS) and phone (for music), and Smooth Spyder belt tensioner.
....One day, a Isis commander is looking across the desert with binoculars. He spots an American soldier across the valley! He zooms in, and discovers it is a Green Beret! He thinks he should capture him, and sends a squad of men after him. Down the valley they go, guns blazing. After just a few minutes, all is silent! As the smoke clears, he spots the American, who sees him, and flips him off! Furious, he sends an entire company to get him. Machine gun fire, grenades, smoke and fire! The battle rages for several minutes. Cries of pain, anguish, pleading can be heard. Then silence! As the smoke clears, he takes a look. Yikes! The same American smiles at him, and flips him off! Now he is so mad, he calls his subordinate commanders to a meeting to draw up plans for a massive attack to kill this infidel, once and for all! As they finalize the plans, a lone terrorist crawls up; his body riddled in bullets, one ear gone, most of his teeth broken out, a real mess. He pulls himself up, grasping the shirt of his commander, struggling to speak. He finally gets the ear of the commander close, and whispers: "please, don't send anymore men! It's a trap, death and destruction await anyone foolish enough to try to attack! I beg of you!" The commander is hearing his mans last breaths and the gravely wounded terrorist speaks his last words: "There are two of them"!
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplough can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplough can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplough can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to redheads exhibit, the husband replied........
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Do you see this coming??
13 ST Limited F/R suspension, Corbin, GIVI top case
16 Vespa Primavera 150: Stock
16 Piaggio BV350: Suspension, braking mods in work
14 HD XL1200T: F/R suspension and brake mods; Corbin saddle and bags
09 Aprilia SC250: F/R suspension and minor brake mods
97 Honda PC800: F/R wheels, F/R suspension, and F/R brake Mods; Corbin saddle
90 CB-1: In work, long term project
89 Honda NT650: F/R suspension; Corbin saddle
First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My Bike."
Jerry Baumchen
'I'll never forget what's her name.'
'Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.' Dwight Eisenhower
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Bob Denman
No dog in this fight; I'm bald on top! 
Okay; I'm not posting this for the Political 
-storm that it could create...
