Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[dannymax]

A little boy about 8 walked up to the security guard in a large department store and told him, "Sir, I was shopping with my Grandfather but I can't find him and now I'm lost."


"We'll find him son, what's he like?" The guard asks.


The boy replies, "Old Grandad whiskey and blondes with big boobs!"

[Bob Denman]

Gramps??

[dannymax]

Don't drink but 'choo betcha on the other part!!

[Bob Denman]

Careful...
"Check your six", before putting something like that up on the screen!

jealous woman.jpg

[dannymax]

I hear footsteps!! .....

[bruisersbaby]

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Jersey guy are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la Fran...ce!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Jersey guy says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. He takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The Jersey guy looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, *%$#&*&!


Yes, I am originally from NJ and we are tough!!

[dannymax]

I never saw that one coming!!

[Bob Denman]

Having survived my collegiate career in Jersey; I am definitely passing this one along to some of my cohorts in crime!

[NautiBrit]

A cabbie picks up a Nun in San Francisco . She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'

[Bob Denman]

[Bob Denman]

Maybe these little guys are closer to us than we think... Monkey Business.jpg

[dannymax]

Peek-A-Boo!!!

[Bob Denman]

Or is that, "Peek-A-Boobie"?

[boborgera]

There's this Blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and See's another Blonde on the opposite bank'

Yoo-hoo' she shouts, 'How do i get to the other side?

The second Blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

''You-Are'' on the other side.

[dannymax]

Or is that, "Peek-A-Boobie"?

You KNOW that occurred to me but fear of kept me from posting it!

[NautiBrit]

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
�

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY



1. Leave him alone

[Bob Denman]

That is so true that it's absolutely scary!

[Bob Denman]

This one REALLY ain't funny; but at least it's true!
Not The Target.jpg

[dannymax]

Always been a fan of that kind of stuff! Gives one pause.....ya know?

[Bob Denman]

...Always keep moving...

[Spy+]

Peek-A-Boo!!!

image.jpg

[Black Pig]

Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one; but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.

[Bob Denman]

It's probably for the best; he couldn't afford her wardrobe costs anyway!

[mowin]

It's probably for the best; he couldn't afford her wardrobe costs anyway!

You have a knack for pointing out the positive side of things

[Bob Denman]

If you look up "inane banter" in the dictionary; they've got me listed as a multiple- offender!