Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

Just so you know, this one is a groaner:

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see."

She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."



Jerry Baumchen

[cuznjohn]

[vided]

IMG_1567.GIF

[SpyderConvert]

SERVICE!!!!

I became confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies:

Banking 'Service'

Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Pay TV 'Service'

State & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

Government ‘Service’

Bureaucratic 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

Then I visited my uncle, he's a farmer, and he hired a bull to 'Service' his cows.

Suddenly WOW!!!

It all came clear.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

[SpyderConvert]

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” the Lord said.
Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.
The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now-intelligent life form and populate this planet.
Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time.”

[Bob Denman]

We call that "Prioritizing"...


And it's pretty clear which one is more important to us!

[Bob Denman]

This is one from CuznJohn...


A retired man went into the Job Center in downtown New York City, New York and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
The annual salary is $75,000, and you'll have to go to Bismark, North Dakota."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now

[cuznjohn]

This is one from CuznJohn...


A retired man went into the Job Center in downtown New York City, New York and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
The annual salary is $75,000, and you'll have to go to Bismark, North Dakota."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now

and the last 4 people are me

[Bob Denman]

How'd you get out there so fast???
I was gonna tell everyone that you had me post this, because you were on your way to Bismark!

[vided]

Sorry boys, but look 6 in front of you, that be me

[vided]

IMG_2277.jpg

[cuznjohn]

[Peter Aawen]

Couldn't see the pic above in your post Cuzn (still can't! Just a little blue square?!) but it came up OK here when I went to post & tell you that?!? So maybe this will let anyone else with a similar viewing issue to mine see it too!

Still, how anyone could sit there & take a pic of that without screaming NOOOO!! isbeyond me - so methinks it musta been staged.... altho I am continually reminded NOT to underestimate stupidity! So maybe not...

[cptjam]

Yo ho, me hearties! One squeeze, I'm rocking an eye patch! Ouch!

[kep-up]

Couldn't see the pic above in your post Cuzn (still can't! Just a little blue square?!) but it came up OK here when I went to post & tell you that?!? So maybe this will let anyone else with a similar viewing issue to mine see it too!

Still, how anyone could sit there & take a pic of that without screaming NOOOO!! isbeyond me - so methinks it musta been staged.... altho I am continually reminded NOT to underestimate stupidity! So maybe not...

A bit stupid, yes. But simply using the scope to view an exotic bird (finger not on trigger).

[Bob Denman]

It's just a pellet gun... the recoil level is minimal.
(Note the cocking hinge at the the juncture of the barrel, and the stock's forend.)

[cuznjohn]

i just love the way people analyze things on this forum. i think it is our ages that make us all do it. i do it all the time.

[Bob Denman]

Analyzing the analysts: priceless!

[vided]

i just love the way people analyze things on this forum. i think it is our ages that make us all do it. i do it all the time.

Analyzing the analysts: priceless!

IMG_2280.jpg

[cuznjohn]

who knew planes get thirsty

[vided]

That's not good, drinking saltwater makes you go bonkers.

[Bob Denman]

Speaking of water...

Violating Turkish Airspace.jpg

[easysuper]

Oregon! Where men are men and sheep are nervous!

I thought that applied to Kansas! we just cut down trees out here in Oregon or did until the tree huggers closed the woods !

[vided]

From The London TimesOutside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant..... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent.The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The city council responded that the lot attendant hadnever been on the city payroll.Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars..... And no one even knows his name.

[SpyderConvert]

A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation. She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.

The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready.

A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body.

He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat.

A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations.

When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out:

"All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."