Life Is Short (Some groaners)

[SpyderConvert]

A man was riding on a full bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on, sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here" A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on, kid, make up your mind, I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

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Students in an advanced biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of mother's milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is a perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test,
he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground that the cat can't get it.
.....He got an A.

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A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turned around and said, "Geez, lady, why don't you tell the kid the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes got wide and he asked, "Is that true, Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answered, "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asked, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She replied, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

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An elderly, but hardy, cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 11 children, 30 grandchildren, 41 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren..... and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be..

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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression" Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

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Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

[Bob Denman]

[Lew L]

Good ones.

More of these ............